I think I should let it go when it is not anymore of mine.
If you grab something,
you hold your fist.
If you let go something,
you open your palm wide,
gain something else.
What if you are grabbing something similar to sand?
It'll drain away no matter how hard you are trying to keep it with you.
You have nothing, at the end.
I think is time for me to let go of it, keep my options open, grab the best ever that i can.
Girl, stop day dreaming if you know you never get it.
Find other way out.
When the door is close, you still have your windows open.
Put more effort, strike for the best, get more options.
Do not ever let circumstances left you no choice,it is the worst thing ever.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Gathering with Billy
Billy reached KP two days ago, but i went to a wedding dinner, so i'm only be able to meet him yesterday. He is so friendly and talkative. He can mixed around with friends over here very well. I'm truly appreciate him to drive all his way long here just to meet us, Jeslyn, Mervin, and of course me!
Nothing much to talk about the gathering, we just brought him to walk around. I think we should have bring him to Sri Menanti, Terachi Culture Village and Ulu Bendul, that should be better.
But the most fun part is he drive us to the house at the top of Tmn Fatimah. I think they are still having open house, so they dint close the gate up. It was a new experience for us to 'break into' others' house. Mwahaha! =D
He encourage us to try on something new, so he went to the house and met the owner there, said this are our first visit, so we want to walk around. And the owner is good enough to let us walk around her garden. It was so exciting. ( I think i cant describe my feeling well )
He is a great friend to be, and all of us appreciate this friendship.
- Friends have no border of age, sex and distance. No matter how far are us, friendship will still remain if our hearts always stick together -
Nothing much to talk about the gathering, we just brought him to walk around. I think we should have bring him to Sri Menanti, Terachi Culture Village and Ulu Bendul, that should be better.
But the most fun part is he drive us to the house at the top of Tmn Fatimah. I think they are still having open house, so they dint close the gate up. It was a new experience for us to 'break into' others' house. Mwahaha! =D
He encourage us to try on something new, so he went to the house and met the owner there, said this are our first visit, so we want to walk around. And the owner is good enough to let us walk around her garden. It was so exciting. ( I think i cant describe my feeling well )
He is a great friend to be, and all of us appreciate this friendship.
- Friends have no border of age, sex and distance. No matter how far are us, friendship will still remain if our hearts always stick together -
Wedding dinner
I've just went for a wedding dinner at Sunday night. Every relative came here ( even from the New Zealand ). The wedding dinner is held at a small restaurant, known as Tashi Delek in Seremban 2. Guess what? Is a vegetarian wedding dinner. This is my first time went for a vegetarian wedding dinner. The food is actually ok, but I find it the atmosphere over there is better.
What am I more excited is to gather with my cousin. I havent seen her for a long time, I usually get to see her only once a year during Chinese New Year. But I dint met her this new year, so is considered once a year too. Duhh =(
But is kinda boring over there, I was arranged far away from my cousins. Why why why???
They should have put us together. I wasnt the worst, the worst is the man sit at my table. 9 of us at the table are relatives and we know each other, but he is the only friend from the couple.
Met a 'new' relative from New Zealand, he is friendly, speak loudly, laugh loudly. I love his smile, and he is definitely a 'friend' to be. He shared a lot of his life experience in New Zealand. He is 31 this year, but my father asked " is he over 20?"
Oh my God! my dad never said one so young before, not even me (>.<)
Anyway, is a great experience and gathering with all those relatives.
What am I more excited is to gather with my cousin. I havent seen her for a long time, I usually get to see her only once a year during Chinese New Year. But I dint met her this new year, so is considered once a year too. Duhh =(
But is kinda boring over there, I was arranged far away from my cousins. Why why why???
They should have put us together. I wasnt the worst, the worst is the man sit at my table. 9 of us at the table are relatives and we know each other, but he is the only friend from the couple.
Met a 'new' relative from New Zealand, he is friendly, speak loudly, laugh loudly. I love his smile, and he is definitely a 'friend' to be. He shared a lot of his life experience in New Zealand. He is 31 this year, but my father asked " is he over 20?"
Oh my God! my dad never said one so young before, not even me (>.<)
Anyway, is a great experience and gathering with all those relatives.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Confession of a would-be-psycho.
Am i a psycho? I could not stop questioning myself. Everything seems to be so wrong in my life now. What have I done to ruin my life? What can i do to safe my life?
I watched Hannah Montana Movie last weekend. She said, life is a climb, it is hard, but the view is so beautiful.
Yeah. Life is a climb, with high and low, with laughter and tears.
Why i think i am a psycho?
I always thought that i am a optimist, but i actually a pessimist when i am alone.
I always try my best to stretch a big smiley face, but i shed tears eventually.
The louder i smile, the more tears i shed.
Friends sit beside me in the class sometimes think that i'm a something wrong. I can be very funny at sometime, or maybe i should say is silly. I can just laugh, at nothing. A no-point-laugh is something i do in school daily. But at home, i don't act like that. Yes of course. I always have something funny happened or just throw out some jokes, but i never laugh like this ever before when i at home. My mum thought that i was going somewhere wrong, she hasn't see me laugh like this before.
*Shh~ mum, let me tell you a secret. When you turned your back and walk away, tears were rolling down, but laughter never stop.*
I have really been through a hard time these days, all i wish is some understanding from you. But i never expect that, cause you wouldn't know.
For every time i think of you, i immediately make a phone call. But it is never been answered. For the first time, you answer my phone call today. I have tons of things to tell, to throw, to yell, but when you pick up the phone, I don't know what to tell, how should i react upon your "Hi."
I'm so coward, I only manage to send you a message after the call ended. I tell you how bad i feel, and how hard for me to speak it out. Thanks for giving me some courage, asking me to speak out. But sorry, cause i know i will failed you.
After all, i still think that i am a psycho. When I say stop, I can immediately pull on the serious face. And i can suddenly laugh. After every laughter, i cried. Bunches of worries were in my head, I was down for a moment, mood was turned off. But just a second, mood was tune on, you still looking at my silly face. But i know, problem would not disappear if i run away. Things can only be done only if I did it.
I know these so well, but I never do so.
1 more thing, a would-be-psycho like me hates to be alone. I couldn't stop thinking some ridiculous thing when i'm alone. My heart burdened be and i cried off followed by fall asleep. I just wish that there is someone who can know me so well without a word, who he or she is able to tell that I'm happy or not from how I look that day, who can make me feel stronger whenever he or she sticks with me, stand by my side, who raise me up, give me strength, courage me to be who I want, to achieve what i want.
I watched Hannah Montana Movie last weekend. She said, life is a climb, it is hard, but the view is so beautiful.
Yeah. Life is a climb, with high and low, with laughter and tears.
Why i think i am a psycho?
I always thought that i am a optimist, but i actually a pessimist when i am alone.
I always try my best to stretch a big smiley face, but i shed tears eventually.
The louder i smile, the more tears i shed.
Friends sit beside me in the class sometimes think that i'm a something wrong. I can be very funny at sometime, or maybe i should say is silly. I can just laugh, at nothing. A no-point-laugh is something i do in school daily. But at home, i don't act like that. Yes of course. I always have something funny happened or just throw out some jokes, but i never laugh like this ever before when i at home. My mum thought that i was going somewhere wrong, she hasn't see me laugh like this before.
*Shh~ mum, let me tell you a secret. When you turned your back and walk away, tears were rolling down, but laughter never stop.*
I have really been through a hard time these days, all i wish is some understanding from you. But i never expect that, cause you wouldn't know.
For every time i think of you, i immediately make a phone call. But it is never been answered. For the first time, you answer my phone call today. I have tons of things to tell, to throw, to yell, but when you pick up the phone, I don't know what to tell, how should i react upon your "Hi."
I'm so coward, I only manage to send you a message after the call ended. I tell you how bad i feel, and how hard for me to speak it out. Thanks for giving me some courage, asking me to speak out. But sorry, cause i know i will failed you.
After all, i still think that i am a psycho. When I say stop, I can immediately pull on the serious face. And i can suddenly laugh. After every laughter, i cried. Bunches of worries were in my head, I was down for a moment, mood was turned off. But just a second, mood was tune on, you still looking at my silly face. But i know, problem would not disappear if i run away. Things can only be done only if I did it.
I know these so well, but I never do so.
1 more thing, a would-be-psycho like me hates to be alone. I couldn't stop thinking some ridiculous thing when i'm alone. My heart burdened be and i cried off followed by fall asleep. I just wish that there is someone who can know me so well without a word, who he or she is able to tell that I'm happy or not from how I look that day, who can make me feel stronger whenever he or she sticks with me, stand by my side, who raise me up, give me strength, courage me to be who I want, to achieve what i want.
Thursday, September 9, 2010
Somebody asked me this question few days ago. If you are given a chance to study abroad, with full scholarship, will you take this offer? will you leave your parents here?
I could not give her an answer, not even a ballpark figure. If she asked this few months ago, I would have or must have said yes, i will.
But, i'm not sure now.
I dont think i can leave my parents here.
I'm not willing to and I cant.
I know if i really have this chance, they will asked me to seize the opportunity.
But i have no confidence in them to leave them here.
No matter how many times teacher advice me to write factual essay, yet i chose to write "幸福就在身边”
All the happiness that i want is very simple.
I wished everyone i loved and everyone who loves me, stay happy and healthy forever.
I promise, i will not be the greedy kid anymore.
All i want is healthy for my family.
All i want is laughter for my family.
All i wished is to stay together happily ever after.
I could not give her an answer, not even a ballpark figure. If she asked this few months ago, I would have or must have said yes, i will.
But, i'm not sure now.
I dont think i can leave my parents here.
I'm not willing to and I cant.
I know if i really have this chance, they will asked me to seize the opportunity.
But i have no confidence in them to leave them here.
No matter how many times teacher advice me to write factual essay, yet i chose to write "幸福就在身边”
All the happiness that i want is very simple.
I wished everyone i loved and everyone who loves me, stay happy and healthy forever.
I promise, i will not be the greedy kid anymore.
All i want is healthy for my family.
All i want is laughter for my family.
All i wished is to stay together happily ever after.
I'm Lost
I'm back to the same topic again. I confused. I dont know which subject to major in University. Ying is right, to be focus on SPM now then only think of the University. But when i was filling in the Matrikulasi Form, i was astonished, for a moment. Am i right to choose art stream? Is that what i want?
I'm shaken now. I have a thought of accountant doesn't suits me. It is dry, boring, and erm. maybe is simple maths calculation? And I have to do the same thing each day by day for the next 30 years? I prefer to have something different. I want a brand new challenge each day. I want to have some brain storming moment once in a while. I dont want wake up in everyday with scheduled things. and now I realized that I hate schedule and I hate orders as well. Maybe i just want to be the princess? or the queen someday? Demand for something? Giving orders?
Have i really lost all my interest in science field?
I think I just need all these :
Stop
Stare
Ask myself, my heart
Think
last, have a little faith in myself.
I'm shaken now. I have a thought of accountant doesn't suits me. It is dry, boring, and erm. maybe is simple maths calculation? And I have to do the same thing each day by day for the next 30 years? I prefer to have something different. I want a brand new challenge each day. I want to have some brain storming moment once in a while. I dont want wake up in everyday with scheduled things. and now I realized that I hate schedule and I hate orders as well. Maybe i just want to be the princess? or the queen someday? Demand for something? Giving orders?
Have i really lost all my interest in science field?
I think I just need all these :
Stop
Stare
Ask myself, my heart
Think
last, have a little faith in myself.
Who is hiding my guiding light?
From the day i finished ICT paper, strange things started to happened everyday. My mum drop me off by the shop, but i walk across the street and head for another shop. I did not even notice there is a shop just right in front of me and i went for the big cycle.
For the add maths tuition these day, i popped up with some definitely maroon things. Something F1 student will be able to solve. I asked :
How to find mean?
How can i get the area of circle?
And why this and that?
The silliest question i've ever asked.
I actually wan to switch on the fan, but i switched on the light.
I actually wan to finished my revision, but i turned things upside down.
Someone guide me, please.
Whoever you might be, please dont hide my guiding light.
For the add maths tuition these day, i popped up with some definitely maroon things. Something F1 student will be able to solve. I asked :
How to find mean?
How can i get the area of circle?
And why this and that?
The silliest question i've ever asked.
I actually wan to switch on the fan, but i switched on the light.
I actually wan to finished my revision, but i turned things upside down.
Someone guide me, please.
Whoever you might be, please dont hide my guiding light.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
What on earth is this?!
I saw a link on facebook today, about the indian gangster knock on your car door with their bloody hands. I know I shouldn't be surprise with this, yet it freaks me out. I'm just too coward, when are you going to grow up, girl?
In earlier days, i received bunches of message. But among them,the most freaky one was about the curse from the phone call. Ew. What on earth is this? Why such things would happened?
Yes. I read the passage. Life is so contradictory. When we all of us have a chance to go for tertiary education, we lost our humanity. We know why rain falls down, but we dont know appreciate. We are wealthy, but not healthy.
I don't understand why people counting on every matters in life. They make life such a complex system to be understand. I don't know why we have less laughter, but more burden or more worries. Why can't you guys spread your love? Grow your love towards other?
Another thing i would like to mention : SLANDER
Slander is a malicious statement about something or somebody. Why we are all forwarding those threatening letters or email daily. Why we don't spread our love through Internet, there are so many ways to do this. But why people start sending email that claim something bad would happened if you dont follow. Why are you guys trying to threaten the others? Do you be happy if you see others were worried? Or you think the best thing ever is to build your happiness upon one's self? Stop being selfish. I hate receiving those emails. They freaking me out. Stop acting like you are illiterate. You are NOT! Arise and awake, civilized people! Do what you can to save the Earth, save those poor things.
In earlier days, i received bunches of message. But among them,the most freaky one was about the curse from the phone call. Ew. What on earth is this? Why such things would happened?
Yes. I read the passage. Life is so contradictory. When we all of us have a chance to go for tertiary education, we lost our humanity. We know why rain falls down, but we dont know appreciate. We are wealthy, but not healthy.
I don't understand why people counting on every matters in life. They make life such a complex system to be understand. I don't know why we have less laughter, but more burden or more worries. Why can't you guys spread your love? Grow your love towards other?
Another thing i would like to mention : SLANDER
Slander is a malicious statement about something or somebody. Why we are all forwarding those threatening letters or email daily. Why we don't spread our love through Internet, there are so many ways to do this. But why people start sending email that claim something bad would happened if you dont follow. Why are you guys trying to threaten the others? Do you be happy if you see others were worried? Or you think the best thing ever is to build your happiness upon one's self? Stop being selfish. I hate receiving those emails. They freaking me out. Stop acting like you are illiterate. You are NOT! Arise and awake, civilized people! Do what you can to save the Earth, save those poor things.
The funniest dream ever
I went for afternoon nap today. I borrowed a booklet from Mei Yan to photostat, and we talked about driving car and license in school.
Then, i dreamed that my dad fetch me to tuition class and i supposed to drop by the shop to get my photocopies. But i father just drop me on the street and asked me to go myself? Ew. nevermind. Then, i dreamed Mei Wen and her brother, her brother wanted to fetch us to tuition. So, i just take a lift. But, i have no idea what we will stopped by a cafe. The cafe is not far away from the shop, so i planned to walk to the shop. But i forgot to bring money, I tried so hard to borrow some from friends. Some? i guess NOT! i borrowed a hundred!
When i was there, i asked to get back my copies. The shop owner ask for RM60 for 2 booklet! O.M.G! he said he stored all the information in a CD, so that if i had lost my book, i can just refer to the CD. That make sense to cost me 60.
Ta dah! phone rang! and i woke up.
On the way to tuition, my mum drop me by the shop. Guess how much i pay? RM4 only!
Then, i dreamed that my dad fetch me to tuition class and i supposed to drop by the shop to get my photocopies. But i father just drop me on the street and asked me to go myself? Ew. nevermind. Then, i dreamed Mei Wen and her brother, her brother wanted to fetch us to tuition. So, i just take a lift. But, i have no idea what we will stopped by a cafe. The cafe is not far away from the shop, so i planned to walk to the shop. But i forgot to bring money, I tried so hard to borrow some from friends. Some? i guess NOT! i borrowed a hundred!
When i was there, i asked to get back my copies. The shop owner ask for RM60 for 2 booklet! O.M.G! he said he stored all the information in a CD, so that if i had lost my book, i can just refer to the CD. That make sense to cost me 60.
Ta dah! phone rang! and i woke up.
On the way to tuition, my mum drop me by the shop. Guess how much i pay? RM4 only!
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