Life after SPM

Heyyy =)
Sorry guys for not updating this blog for such a long long time. I promise I will not do this anymore.

Going back to the title ' Life after SPM '. I'm having fun so far, and at least I did something useful or maybe I should say is meaningful? Blah.. Don't bother about it.

I've finished the last paper on 14th Dec 2010. Then, I've start my MapleSEA again. Hey, if you play in Sg - Aquila server, feel free to pm me -- SynPlexiS. After that, I went to NAPEI Education Fair last weekend with Yap Xin. Well, is a great experience for me, as I never take bus and KTM with my friend before. I've gather quite some information from the fair, been flipping through them these few days.

The next day after the education fair, I've went on a trip with my classmate to Penang, Ipoh, Cameron and Sunway, which last for 4 days 4 nights. Frankly speaking, I do feel like wanna get into quarrel with somebody, well, not to mention who and why, guess everyone knows about it. AND, I don't give a damn, I don't care if you read this post, what I wanted to say is " Thank GOD! I don't have to see you anymore in the rest of my life! "

Heh! No more tantrum right now. My dad fetched my to Nilai UC and INTI UC today. I apply Nilai UC scholarship, perhaps will be call very soon for the interview, I'm more likely to be excited than nervous. Imao~~ I'm a weirdo!

Guess I'll be keep an eye on those scholarship and courses offered by different college and of course their fee structure. I'm not sure if I will do any post relevant to scholarship or business course in the future, but you can text me anytime if you have any inquiries.

Thats all for now.
*YAWN*
I'm sleepy, gotta go sleep right now, to get over those dark eye circles =P
Oh ya, I'm going to register for the driving lesson, whoever wish to attend the course with me & jin yi, text me. Thanks in advanced.

Forgive me

Forgive me please, I know I'll gone crazy once in a while. I know I'll just laugh with no reason which irritate you guys so much. I know I hardly control my temper. I'm so sorry for being a emotional person. But being emotional is really my fault?

I have no idea about that. I just realize that once in a while, I wished to be the real me! But, sometimes I'm not wishing, is just came out by itself, I mean the real me. It replace me to be another person.

Sorry because I know all these things are making you confuse. But erm, this is the thought I came up with today. Lets see what had happened today.

LAK tuition class.
Jia Cheng : Shu Yi, since when you change your style, i mean the way you hold your pen!
Shu Yi : *laugh quietly, dint get to answer him*

He is right, since when i changed my holding pen's style. I dont remember when is it, things change so deeply, thoroughly without my knowing. But all I know is once in a while, I still write in a " thumb-up" way. and thats the REAL ME!!

after the tuition class, I walk to Boon Hwa, look for exercise book, then walked to Minang to buy my rubber band.
It was a sunny day, sun still shine so bright and I couldnt look up into the sky.
So, I keep my head down, staring on the road i'm walking. I wonder why the road shines too. Have you guys ever notice it? Even though the road is black color, but when the sun shines on it, you'll see it reflect some light, white light. feels like a diamond.

Then, I remember when I was small, I saw the road shine in the way like a diamond. I thought diamond or crystal was dig out from the road. So, I spend so much time on digging on the road outside my house. Erm. a small digging, no one ever notice me.

One day, my mum saw what I'm doing and she asked about it. I told her I'm digging diamonds! She laughed. I anyhow manage to dig out one or two small piece of stone, which looks like diamond, or glass. I dont know what it is, I thought that was a diamond.

So suddenly, i wished to draw back, and start digging the road again. I still wonder is this crystal? or diamond? The real me is backed. But just for a moment. It was short. I anyhow tried to stay her in, but I couldn't.

No one knows which of them is the real one. So do I. Pardon me if I'm lost, Forgive me if you found that I've totally changed. Because i got no way to keep the real me with me.

Is great not to grow up, but is time to face realities

A moment ago, I saw the picture of Connie, Sara and Nancy they took during their first dance in secondary school, when we were all in Form 1. It doesn't surprise me at all, the thing that touch my heart was the comment.

- Look how big is that smile.
- Yea. million dollars smile.
- Yea. Is great not to grow up.

Yes, I'm totally agree with these guys.
We usually have that smiley face all the time when we were small. If it is not a smile, at least a tear, and is better than nothing.

When we grow up, problems grow up.
No matter what we feed it, it still seems to grow.

I never thought that time passes this fast.
I never thought that everyone have changed a lot, or maybe we shall say it is growth?
I'm a big big girl, but no longer in a small small world.
And so do you, i mean everyone who read this.
We are no longer kids, we started to carry on our life on our own, taking our own responsibility, facing our own problem, solve things alone when we have to.
I know we are no more the little one, cry when there is no solution, say hate you when I mean it, say "rocket" when I dont wanna be friend with you, tell you every secret I have.

What I mean is everyone should live their life on their own, decide the path they want, take their risk for any major decision and also be responsible for what they have done.
Of course, what im facing now is masquerades. I bet you have realize that too. I'm not surprise of that, it doesn't matter what brings that on you, but perhaps you are just trying to protect yourself, not to deceive others.
We gossips more than sharing problem. Why is that? I dont know.
Everyone has his or her own problem, maybe is more than you can imagine.
No one can tell you what to do, you are the only one who can tell yourself what to do. No one is obliged to solve every problem in your life, perhaps you know about this, perhaps you appreciate what we have done for you.

P.S : I'm not talking to a specific person. Dont get offended. Thanks.

I miss you, but not that much anymore.

Is been 2 years since you left us. I wonder how is life after death? Peaceful? Do you really meet God? or even stay with God? I havent mourn for u for a long time, hmmn.. almost a year? Sorry that I dont remember that much. It seems that I've started let things go away as time passes. Will you blame me? I know you dont.

I went to hospital yesterday. I did a endoscope and ultrasound, diagnose with nothing. I'm sure you will be glad to hear this, I'm fine. Definitely healthy, but erm. just obese. I promise I will start putting off this 'loads'. Hehe. =)

I saw carp fish in the pool, and then only I think of you. Kinda dissapointed huh? I'm sure you are. It is because the place we placed you has a lot of carp fish, windy, and erm nice building structure, and I'm loving it. I'm sure you will too.

Frankly, I dont remember your faces at those early age. All I remember is how your silly smiley face, you shake your head when all of us asked you to stop but you insist this is what doctor asked you to do. But, it is actually a No-No. I remember you used to bring me to the temple, feed me with those dumpling, one of my favourite food, and yes, it is now too. I remember you are the only one who taught me to tie up my shoelace patiently, you did it instead of my mum. I remember it was so kind of you that you never blame me for anything i've done wrong. You make mooncakes, dumplings, cakes, muruku. You sew shirts. My mum too. Yet, I havent learn anything of this from you or her either.

Life is fragile. I wanted to say this long ago. The scene was so real, unforgettable and unbearable pain. It was still like yesterday, like you havent leave me for years, weeks and days. I very seldom think of you. But when I thought of, everything about you seems to flashback, I recall every moment with you. I couldnt ignore the hard feeling in my heart. It was me to ignore your request, I didnt want to pick up that stinky thing, and you have to do it all on your own. But it was then you've got stroke. It was too late for me to blame myself now. No point for crying over the spilt milk. Yet, you praised me. You told others that I quickly got others to offer you help when you couldn't stand. But I know it deeply that you were just too kind to say that, to protect me against the sins that i've done.

Time passes so quickly. He is not that strong anymore. But his temper never changed. He sleep in my room everytime he stay here. You couldn't imagine how many times he will wake up at the night to go toilet. Or maybe you knew it? I know he is lonely at KL, he dint want to stay there. No companions. Everyone stop him from doing this and doing that. Maybe you should talk to him oftenly in his dream. Tell him how his attitude will affect the others. Tell him how to stay along with them. I always try my best to talk to him when he is here, but you know? things got out of my hand, I dont have any topic to talk. Tell me what to do? I always lose my temper when I'm against him, when he kept on asking the same question. Teach me how to control my temper. Verbal wound would be as bad as physical one, or maybe worse. I really want to appreciate him, but sometimes I just turned things upside down.

I still miss you now. just not that much anymore. I dont want to forget you. I'll save a place in my heart for you. It is secured, locked and the password is with you now. Tell me if I've change bad, adversely affect my life. Tell me if I'm no longer the little girl you've know. I really do miss you. Tell me to take care of myself, and for the others too.

Let it go and gain something else

I think I should let it go when it is not anymore of mine.

If you grab something,
you hold your fist.
If you let go something,
you open your palm wide,
gain something else.

What if you are grabbing something similar to sand?
It'll drain away no matter how hard you are trying to keep it with you.
You have nothing, at the end.

I think is time for me to let go of it, keep my options open, grab the best ever that i can.

Girl, stop day dreaming if you know you never get it.
Find other way out.
When the door is close, you still have your windows open.
Put more effort, strike for the best, get more options.
Do not ever let circumstances left you no choice,it is the worst thing ever.

Gathering with Billy

Billy reached KP two days ago, but i went to a wedding dinner, so i'm only be able to meet him yesterday. He is so friendly and talkative. He can mixed around with friends over here very well. I'm truly appreciate him to drive all his way long here just to meet us, Jeslyn, Mervin, and of course me!

Nothing much to talk about the gathering, we just brought him to walk around. I think we should have bring him to Sri Menanti, Terachi Culture Village and Ulu Bendul, that should be better.

But the most fun part is he drive us to the house at the top of Tmn Fatimah. I think they are still having open house, so they dint close the gate up. It was a new experience for us to 'break into' others' house. Mwahaha! =D

He encourage us to try on something new, so he went to the house and met the owner there, said this are our first visit, so we want to walk around. And the owner is good enough to let us walk around her garden. It was so exciting. ( I think i cant describe my feeling well )

He is a great friend to be, and all of us appreciate this friendship.
- Friends have no border of age, sex and distance. No matter how far are us, friendship will still remain if our hearts always stick together -

Wedding dinner

I've just went for a wedding dinner at Sunday night. Every relative came here ( even from the New Zealand ). The wedding dinner is held at a small restaurant, known as Tashi Delek in Seremban 2. Guess what? Is a vegetarian wedding dinner. This is my first time went for a vegetarian wedding dinner. The food is actually ok, but I find it the atmosphere over there is better.

What am I more excited is to gather with my cousin. I havent seen her for a long time, I usually get to see her only once a year during Chinese New Year. But I dint met her this new year, so is considered once a year too. Duhh =(

But is kinda boring over there, I was arranged far away from my cousins. Why why why???
They should have put us together. I wasnt the worst, the worst is the man sit at my table. 9 of us at the table are relatives and we know each other, but he is the only friend from the couple.

Met a 'new' relative from New Zealand, he is friendly, speak loudly, laugh loudly. I love his smile, and he is definitely a 'friend' to be. He shared a lot of his life experience in New Zealand. He is 31 this year, but my father asked " is he over 20?"
Oh my God! my dad never said one so young before, not even me (>.<)

Anyway, is a great experience and gathering with all those relatives.

Confession of a would-be-psycho.

Am i a psycho? I could not stop questioning myself. Everything seems to be so wrong in my life now. What have I done to ruin my life? What can i do to safe my life?

I watched Hannah Montana Movie last weekend. She said, life is a climb, it is hard, but the view is so beautiful.

Yeah. Life is a climb, with high and low, with laughter and tears.

Why i think i am a psycho?

I always thought that i am a optimist, but i actually a pessimist when i am alone.
I always try my best to stretch a big smiley face, but i shed tears eventually.
The louder i smile, the more tears i shed.

Friends sit beside me in the class sometimes think that i'm a something wrong. I can be very funny at sometime, or maybe i should say is silly. I can just laugh, at nothing. A no-point-laugh is something i do in school daily. But at home, i don't act like that. Yes of course. I always have something funny happened or just throw out some jokes, but i never laugh like this ever before when i at home. My mum thought that i was going somewhere wrong, she hasn't see me laugh like this before.
*Shh~ mum, let me tell you a secret. When you turned your back and walk away, tears were rolling down, but laughter never stop.*

I have really been through a hard time these days, all i wish is some understanding from you. But i never expect that, cause you wouldn't know.

For every time i think of you, i immediately make a phone call. But it is never been answered. For the first time, you answer my phone call today. I have tons of things to tell, to throw, to yell, but when you pick up the phone, I don't know what to tell, how should i react upon your "Hi."

I'm so coward, I only manage to send you a message after the call ended. I tell you how bad i feel, and how hard for me to speak it out. Thanks for giving me some courage, asking me to speak out. But sorry, cause i know i will failed you.

After all, i still think that i am a psycho. When I say stop, I can immediately pull on the serious face. And i can suddenly laugh. After every laughter, i cried. Bunches of worries were in my head, I was down for a moment, mood was turned off. But just a second, mood was tune on, you still looking at my silly face. But i know, problem would not disappear if i run away. Things can only be done only if I did it.
I know these so well, but I never do so.

1 more thing, a would-be-psycho like me hates to be alone. I couldn't stop thinking some ridiculous thing when i'm alone. My heart burdened be and i cried off followed by fall asleep. I just wish that there is someone who can know me so well without a word, who he or she is able to tell that I'm happy or not from how I look that day, who can make me feel stronger whenever he or she sticks with me, stand by my side, who raise me up, give me strength, courage me to be who I want, to achieve what i want.

Somebody asked me this question few days ago. If you are given a chance to study abroad, with full scholarship, will you take this offer? will you leave your parents here?

I could not give her an answer, not even a ballpark figure. If she asked this few months ago, I would have or must have said yes, i will.

But, i'm not sure now.
I dont think i can leave my parents here.
I'm not willing to and I cant.
I know if i really have this chance, they will asked me to seize the opportunity.
But i have no confidence in them to leave them here.

No matter how many times teacher advice me to write factual essay, yet i chose to write "幸福就在身边”
All the happiness that i want is very simple.
I wished everyone i loved and everyone who loves me, stay happy and healthy forever.
I promise, i will not be the greedy kid anymore.
All i want is healthy for my family.
All i want is laughter for my family.
All i wished is to stay together happily ever after.

I'm Lost

I'm back to the same topic again. I confused. I dont know which subject to major in University. Ying is right, to be focus on SPM now then only think of the University. But when i was filling in the Matrikulasi Form, i was astonished, for a moment. Am i right to choose art stream? Is that what i want?

I'm shaken now. I have a thought of accountant doesn't suits me. It is dry, boring, and erm. maybe is simple maths calculation? And I have to do the same thing each day by day for the next 30 years? I prefer to have something different. I want a brand new challenge each day. I want to have some brain storming moment once in a while. I dont want wake up in everyday with scheduled things. and now I realized that I hate schedule and I hate orders as well. Maybe i just want to be the princess? or the queen someday? Demand for something? Giving orders?

Have i really lost all my interest in science field?

I think I just need all these :
Stop
Stare
Ask myself, my heart
Think
last, have a little faith in myself.

Who is hiding my guiding light?

From the day i finished ICT paper, strange things started to happened everyday. My mum drop me off by the shop, but i walk across the street and head for another shop. I did not even notice there is a shop just right in front of me and i went for the big cycle.

For the add maths tuition these day, i popped up with some definitely maroon things. Something F1 student will be able to solve. I asked :
How to find mean?
How can i get the area of circle?
And why this and that?
The silliest question i've ever asked.

I actually wan to switch on the fan, but i switched on the light.
I actually wan to finished my revision, but i turned things upside down.

Someone guide me, please.
Whoever you might be, please dont hide my guiding light.

What on earth is this?!

I saw a link on facebook today, about the indian gangster knock on your car door with their bloody hands. I know I shouldn't be surprise with this, yet it freaks me out. I'm just too coward, when are you going to grow up, girl?

In earlier days, i received bunches of message. But among them,the most freaky one was about the curse from the phone call. Ew. What on earth is this? Why such things would happened?

Yes. I read the passage. Life is so contradictory. When we all of us have a chance to go for tertiary education, we lost our humanity. We know why rain falls down, but we dont know appreciate. We are wealthy, but not healthy.

I don't understand why people counting on every matters in life. They make life such a complex system to be understand. I don't know why we have less laughter, but more burden or more worries. Why can't you guys spread your love? Grow your love towards other?

Another thing i would like to mention : SLANDER
Slander is a malicious statement about something or somebody. Why we are all forwarding those threatening letters or email daily. Why we don't spread our love through Internet, there are so many ways to do this. But why people start sending email that claim something bad would happened if you dont follow. Why are you guys trying to threaten the others? Do you be happy if you see others were worried? Or you think the best thing ever is to build your happiness upon one's self? Stop being selfish. I hate receiving those emails. They freaking me out. Stop acting like you are illiterate. You are NOT! Arise and awake, civilized people! Do what you can to save the Earth, save those poor things.

The funniest dream ever

I went for afternoon nap today. I borrowed a booklet from Mei Yan to photostat, and we talked about driving car and license in school.
Then, i dreamed that my dad fetch me to tuition class and i supposed to drop by the shop to get my photocopies. But i father just drop me on the street and asked me to go myself? Ew. nevermind. Then, i dreamed Mei Wen and her brother, her brother wanted to fetch us to tuition. So, i just take a lift. But, i have no idea what we will stopped by a cafe. The cafe is not far away from the shop, so i planned to walk to the shop. But i forgot to bring money, I tried so hard to borrow some from friends. Some? i guess NOT! i borrowed a hundred!
When i was there, i asked to get back my copies. The shop owner ask for RM60 for 2 booklet! O.M.G! he said he stored all the information in a CD, so that if i had lost my book, i can just refer to the CD. That make sense to cost me 60.
Ta dah! phone rang! and i woke up.
On the way to tuition, my mum drop me by the shop. Guess how much i pay? RM4 only!

If the clock run in anticlockwise way

If the clock run in anticlockwise way, I would be happier than ever.
I wished i can go through secondary school level again.
I wished i can involved in every activities in my school.
I wished i can join school debate team.
I wished i can join choir group.
I wished i can join Interact club and go for the Conference every year.
I wished i can join Chess group a few years earlier.
I wished i can be a more active scout.
I wished i can have the courage to try every thing in school.
I wished i have a chance to be a prefect.
I wished i have a chance to run my own club event like mei yan will do.
I wished i can improve my BM so that it will not keep dragging my footsteps.
I wished i was a better person.
I wished i dont have that hot temper.
I wished i learned more things.
I wished i know swimming
I wished i know how to play violin or piano.
I wished i can dance.
I wished i can sing.
I wished i can be the perfect one.
I wished i can be someone who is more responsible.
I wished i can be someone who is not that naive.
I wished i can treat every family member in a better way.
I wished i can be tougher than who i am.
I wished i can help out my parents more.
I wished i will not lost patient when i talk to older people.

How many wishes i have yet time is irreversible.

Stalie,
Please bear in mind.
This is the regret you have now.
I wish that regrets wouldnt grow as you grow years later.
I wish you spend every second in your life wisely.
I wish you will be a better person in ur life.
I wish you will cherish everyone in your life.
I wish at most,
live life with no regrets.

U know how much i admire or envy you?

I saw kah ying's post about achieving her dream with so many obstacles yet she stand still with her opinion on pursue the study of photography.

I wished i was her, so passionate with one thing.
I wished i was her, know what she want in her life.

I actually had a dream, i wanted to be an accountant.
Teacher said students change their ambition once in a while, especially when they are growing up. I thought that i never will, but now i'm not sure what to do or where to go.

I was once wanted to go to LSE for accountant course. I did researched about the entry requirement, the living fees and scholarships. But now, i dont know if this is the right choice for me. Everyone said that is okay for me to decide later, after i have finished my SPM. But i dont want things to get started that late, when i was given a short time, i know myself very well will have choose the wrong thing. I dont want to be regret. I dont want to waste my life.

At first, i wished that i will study something related to maths, more on calculation. I have no idea about the further study, and my aunt is an accountant. Hence, that lead me to my first determination of being an accountant. Later on, i found that is kinda dry, boring. I wished i can have something different daily. I wished i can try different things. I dont want to live a life that repeated daily for another 30 years.

Soh reminded me on my likes in choosing game. Yes, it is! I love managing things. then, i linked it to hotel management. But everyone opposed it. I dont know if i should go for it, because i really dont know how those people worked and their job task. I wished i will be given a chance to go through a short period of their life, so that i can clearly understand how they worked and then choose the right course for me. and now, i have a great interest in handling money and investment.

can anyone guide me? I need guidance, not decision from you.

I wished i was her, found her own interest at this early age, know what to do, what to achieve in her life. I have nothing, only a wish of bringing my parents on a world tour which is somehow impossible to achieve.

Dont judge a book by its cover.

Have you guys ever wondered how well do you know about me? Well, I guess everyone has a different thought about me. But i really want to explain or to claim something clearly here.

First of all, i told u guys that i finished almost the Form 4 Chemistry in 1 day. Actually, some of the topic like Electrochemistry i have read it before, and i skipped. Thats why i seems to be faster than others. Then, i dont read every details mentioned in the book. What i do is to understand the theory and try to read every experiment and memorize all the definitions just right away the day before the paper was held. Hence i think i save a lot of time. I do a lot of practice and model papers because i think that can helps a lot and every teacher asked me to do so.

Second, i managed to finished 2 - 3 chapters of Sejarah in a day. Everyone heard of it look in amazement at me. But you do really think i can memorize all of them? Frankly speaking, NO! I DONT! and if i get an A in sejarah, that must be too lucky for me to read the right thing for the right question.

After all, i was kinda hurt when everyone talking to me like that, dont think that i'm that great. I'm not. Not at all.

Dont say that i'm born with this quick reading skill, dont say that i'm born with that calculating skill. Can you imagine how i do or behave when i was a kid?

I can barely remember that i was at the last placing of the class when i was 5, the first year of Kindergarden. Then, my mum sent me to tuition center when i was 6 on my request! i cant imagine how i would asked my mum to do so. Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. Lucky that my mum did send me to tuition center. I memorize, I read, I prepare for my primary Standard 1 when i was 6. When every little kid was having afternoon nap, i was memorizing the table for the multiplication. That makes me feel less burden when i got into primary school.

I read books on my own, i can remember how much i love to read. When the exam is coming, i forced myself to memorize the synonyms and everything. I placed at top 3 when i was Standard 1 and 2. But something bad happened, a little friend of mine improved a lot in his exam. His father rewarded him a watch, he showed me. I was small, he said that my parents dont love me and thats why they dont buy me things even i was better than him. He dont know that he broke my heart, tear it off into pieces. After that, i forced myself doing things with every best of mine. I can even be self-abused if i dont do things right. I thought i wasnt good enough to be loved and i wanted to improve more and more. I wanted to make them proud of me as if like every relatives of mine proud of their children. I wanted so much for their love. Until i fell down that night, my brother carried me and yelled at my neighbours. My mum cried over and over again, and thats how i feel their love. Thats how i know that love is something invisible that it couldnt gain my attention at all. I dont ask for money, i dont ask for presents from them. Money dont buy love. I understand. I can tell you that i have never asked a cent from my parents. They gave me on their own will. I saved, I dont asked for things. But i know if i asked, they will make sure that i have it. I know how lucky am i to be considerable for them. I understand how lucky am i to get such a parent that treat me a different way than others do.

You couldnt imagine how a hard life i have been through. You wouldnt have know if i never speak of it. What you can see is i'm was so lucky to be born with those ability. There are so many gifted people, but i'm not one of them. I know it very well and i wished all of u were. Dont judge me by how i looked. Dont think one was too lucky to succeed, u dint know how much they have worked. U just dont see how much effort they had give. You dont know how i have to worked hard in earlier days so that it will be a lesser job today. I know i'm not the one who went through the hardest life of all, I have a house, I have my parents my brother. I have eyes to see how beautiful the world is. I am neither retarded nor physical disable. Life treats me good, i know it.

Things dont fall from sky and dropped into your hands so coincide. If you dont worked hard, success wouldnt have knock your door. Every succeed man is the ordinary people who work harder than others. They were just you, still human. Dont think that succeed was given by God to them, God only help those who help themselves.

Dear diary,
Sorry for not coming up any post lately.
I was busy preparing for my forecast paper, which means a lot with me. Cause you know this is will be the last real exam before i sit for the actual SPM.
every once in a while, bubble thought pop and burst, i have so many things to write about yet i dont know how should i start.
I think i should post them out in different post.

My first post of all is about my exam. It is going to end by this Friday. I admit that i dint prepare enough for these papers because i'm run out of time. I was so lucky that i spotted right a few question yet that doesn't help me a lot in scoring As.

A friend of mine, gan from KGV challenged me on Add Maths. Well, that was the paper that i usually score highest in my exam. But i fall asleep that day. Maybe i slept too late the day before. After all, many of my friends couldnt finish the paper on time. But i managed to try all the question and took a short nap. I felt so insecure cause i'm not sure if i left out some question, i was quite sleepy and kinda blur that moment. I dint intend to show off how good was I to be able finished and sleep while the others cant. Dont get me wrong, guys and girls. I really need your understanding.

Thats all about my forecast paper. Shall continue another topic on the next post.

good luck for all f5 students

Ohaiyo! my bloggy. sorry for leaving u such a long time.
let me tell you something that I'm going to sit for forecast paper tomorrow. Honestly, i'm quite nervous few days ago but when it gets closer to the date, i'm not that nervous anymore or maybe i don't give a damn at all.For the last weekdays, i bet you cant imagine that i have living through this kind of life. Wake up at 6, taking breakfast with reading books, read through all the important points that the teacher will probably teach, especially the redox reaction. Gosh, its killing me. Kinda complex at first, but it gets easier when i understand the theory. Thanks for the hard work i made for reading the same thing for 2 nights. When i reached school, i tried to use my time wisely, avoiding gossiping or fooling around with the others, but it seems that i failed. Lols. Doing every best that i can to finish the chemistry and sejarah. Lols, unbelievable, i cover 2 years Sejarah syllabus within a week time. I hardly finish 2-3 chapters each day after school. That made me stay up to 12 or 1am everyday. Then, i absent one day, it is when i accompanied my mum to hospital for check up. Everyone there look at me with a strange 'vision' because i was holding a packet of Mister Potato with a Sejarah textbook in another hand and walking around. Ew! i dont wish to do that, but im just too easy to fall asleep with that air conditioned environment, is not conducive at all for me to study! Too bad, i cant keep myself motivated like the days i had before since Friday. I lost all my interest in studying Sejarah,frankly speaking, SJ is so boring! and erm, thats why i cant make my mind clear and memorize the names and every detail.

Anyway, i think i can make it through for this forecast. And erm, this is not so important for me, cause i think i'm not going to take my forecast result to apply anything. So is ok for my to make mistake =P

Alright, have to go now and finish my revision. Nitez!

say SHOO!! to bad luck

ew. this is the most terrible weekend i ever had even though the school mid-term exam is over. guess what? my mum went to see orthopedics yesterday, my dad and i accompany her. Doctor ask her to go for physiotherapy, but she seems like " duh.. i'm not going!". But at last, we forced her to do appointment for the session. So then, we rushed back to KP cause i have account tuition in the afternoon. Oh yea! we managed to arrive right at 2.30, but i went home at 3pm. Ew. that stupid "ache" is killing me! i keep on burping and my stomach is just like a balloon - filled with air. So immediately my mum took me to the clinic. I was actually feel like having fever on Friday night, but it gets better on Saturday morning. and the doctor ask " have u ate durian lately？" oh well! heaven YES! so he say, thats why i got indigestion. WHAT?! i just ate 2 only, my mum finished most of it leh, how come she dont have problem~?! well erm, i dont mean to curse her. but i think is so ridiculous. After that, we went home. and then, i saw my dad sleeping, my mum said he caught cold. luckily he got better after the sleep.

Then at night, i took my medicine again and i dont feel well after i took it. i was like having general weakness. luckily my dad havent sleep yet, he still watching Red Cliff. He realized something wrong with me. Then, he ask me to take his medicine since his was given by the specialist doctor and mine was general clinic doctor. But erm, i rejected. I was so afraid of taking those pills again. So i went to sleep, my door opens wide and he sleep on the sofa. All of sudden i felt nausea, and erm he rushed to my bedroom. He was there all night long until i felt asleep.

Feels good u know? my dad never did this since i got migraine few years ago. he got weaker and weaker. So, he dont have much time taking care of me like this. but i remember each time he reacts when i fall sick. Ask me to do blood test, drive me to specialist hospital in the middle of the night ( hey. u should know how far is Columbia)

Yet, my mum drive him to hospital this morning for operation. Perhaps everything goes well and smooth. My brother not coming back this weekend, i wish he is doing good. At first, i worried my parents. Then, my dad worried my mum and I. Now, my mum have to take care my dad and I. Ew. Life is a cycle, isn't it? Anyway, i'm doubt that is it my house Feng Shui not that good thats why everyone is ill? Perhaps i was just thinking too much x)

Get well soon, dad.
Get well soon, mum.
Get well soon, Stalie.

and we shall say SHOO!! to bad luck.

hmn.. where should i start with?
alright. this Monday. 12 July 2010 is my birthday! I'm officially 17 now. hehes. thanks for the doggie plushie from erika. i love it soooo much! hahas. its sooo cute!
thanks for the wishes too. and of course the birthday cake. hahas! i never thought that u guys will celebrate for me. last but not least, thanks sara, connie, yap xin and mei yan for ur companion that night at kfc. it is so nice to chat with you all. i mean gossip this and that.

13 July 2010
hmn.. i dont remember any special thing happen on this day. so lets just skip!

14 July 2010
Went for spelling bee competition. oh my gosh! it looks like a children game. yet, i think im losing it. i dont know will i participate again if i have given a chance next time.

15 July 2010
Olah! guess what happened today?! i sent a short message and i got a long message which starts with Txxxxxx. Guess what? is Tahniah. man, thats PLKN. i've got selected for that thingy. even then, i fall asleep again. without worries. LOls.I'm actually neither too happy for getting this special 'selection' nor too sad like some would have cry like hell. i dont know why. i just felt like " oh yea! expected!" so far, i only know Joanne, Yap Xin, Kam, Sin Hui, Yong, Justin and I got selected for the PLKN in our class. looking forward for more and more tahniah in our class! Hey! if u read this, dont blame that i curse u if u're so lucky as i am. because
berat same dipikul, ringan sama dijinjing.
You Fu Tong Xiang, You Nan Tong Dang.
*sorry. just format my pc yesterday. thats why i cant type chinese*

gotta go to bed now. Nitez! sweet dream, stalie. hehes.

i love u, dad.

Havent update my blog lately. just to leave one or two words here bout my life recently. ever since i left the counselling room, i bear in mind to keep studying and never stop for a single moment. it anyhow failed. cause i went to counselling room on monday morning, and i managed to finish reading The Pearl that night. i considered that as a part of my homework, cause i have to know more about the story line by reading it instead of reading the synopsis. The second day, my dad came back early than i thought. i had nice chat with a long-lost-contact friend, siang yi, who used to be my twinny when we were small. And now bad things start, my dad had high fever that night, is about 40 degree Celsius according to my mum. Not many people know that my dad is having haemodialysis, and he dont like other people know cause he afraid that others will treat him in a different way than usual. but i think is ok, it is not AIDS, it dont spread. Then wednesday morning, my mum said she have to fetch my dad to the hospital, cause the metal plate implemented in his left hand stop functioning. Oh my god! that day supposed to be my report card day, and i really want my mum to come. i really want to know how my teacher think of me. luckily, my mum rushed back. and just in time. It was a rainy day, my dad staying in the car and my mum came to my class and wait for her turn. Is kinda suffering when the loves one sick and staying alone but you couldnt leave another loves one to stay alone and be helpless. I really understand how my mum feel that time. She's kinda nervous cause the teacher took a long time to talk about the student's performance to their parents. And my mum was like 'ant in the hot pot' cause she left my dad in the car moreover he is in a terrible condition. Yet she have to queue up and wait for more or less 45 minutes. Yay! everything is done. i gave a good impression to the teachers. but actually im not. i know it. i sleep in class. i dont do homework and i dont pass up them. We rushed back to home, and fetched my dad to bahau for dialysis. he had an operation earlier on that day on his neck. Is kinda suffering cause u have to go through dialysis at the tube that inserted in ur neck than the metal plate in ur hand. lucky my mum said we did an appointment on the last friday for another operation for implementation of metal plates on his hand again. Thats why i went home earlier on Friday so that we would not be late for the operation. The doctor informed that the operation will start at 2pm, the surgeon is a professor from KL and major in doing all these operation. But my dad is having fever that time. he said it subside but came back later on. And the doctor only gave my dad antibiotic and some other medicine on that afternoon. alright then, my dad have to get going to the ward. but at that moment, the nurse inform that the surgeon will be here around 5. OK! fine too！ the doctor told us the surgeon will never punctual. But we wait until 6.30pm and finally the surgeon came. He has to do all the operation on that day, 13 patients altogether. just imagine how long time would he spend on doing the operation. then, he came to my dad. he wants my dad to do a bloodtest. and of course, the result was not-so-good that he wouldnt take risk to do the operation for my dad. it cause us to wait for another fortnight for the operation. OMG! i hate it! anyway, get well soon, dad. i love u.

Self discipline VS motivation

i went to counselling room today and talked about my study in school. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about FURTHER study, but study for my SPM. eg. my mid year exam. My overall result drop eventually but is not so obvious since i maintain the placing in class. Seriously, i don't mind about the placing but i'm more into the grades'. Well, for your information, i cant achieved the target for every subject. so is kinda upset? dissapointed? or fed up? compare to the others, i dont work hard as they do. i dont spend much time as they do. but still i manage to get a.. consider average result. i always thought that im so lucky and thats why i dont need to work so hard. but today ms. lee told me that i might have that luck for once or twice. but not everytime. right i got it. i tried to create a timetable, but i dont follow. i tried to plan my daily schedule, but i failed to work it out. i tried to set a daily basis or weekly basis target, but i never archieved it. for some of you, im sure u know my study pattern. i only study when my mood comes, and i dont bother to study or fail my exam if my mood is gone. oh yea, she countdown the SPM date for me. 140 days to go. seems to be a lot. but i'll have to covered 2 years syllabus within 140 days.it dont seems to be that easy now. i'm the one who lack of self discipline. i always knew it. and now she told me i have no motivation. maybe i have to find something to keep motivates me day by day. maybe i'll work hard. we made our promise. she asked me to study every day and report to her the next morning about my revision last night. sounds like. exxagerating? or childish? i dont know. i dont agree at first. or to say that im not dare to put this game on. because i know i cant do it. im sure im going to dissapoint her. and i really dont want to do this to a teacher who always care about us. and erm. she actually know this. and thats why she made this promise to keep me study so that i would not failed her. thanks. i appreciate what you do for me. yet, i havent study anything today. i tidy up my bedroom. i finished The Pearl. I finished the additional mathematics project ( is all done now). all these should have done earlier. but i procrastinate. Gosh. i really need some one to motivate me. A message a day. maybe a quote? i guess that is more than enough. i can really tell that i am nothing if i am all alone. i really need companion or friends doing all these for me. i bet im going to do the same thing to you if you manage to do so.Ew. anyway, i remember i received an email from a friend. giving me some moral support and advice on study. imma going to post it here. because is more easy to read here compare to keep it in the inbox. who is going to check the inbox and read the same email everyday, agree?
________________________________________________________________
Well Stalie, this is what you must have in mind :-
1. You must love your studies like you love your mum and dad and your brother.
2. You must have fun studies. Just like you want to have fun with your friends.
3. Have group study.
4. Important to concentrate during classes and tuition.
5. Plan your study.
6. Everybody have a dream and you must chase your dream.
7. Learn every time you fail or done something wrong.
8. At your age pls don't get attach with boys. Treat them as friend and don't get into relationship. Well Stalin, you have long way to go and GOD will give you your soul mate once he thinks it's a right time. This is very important.
9. Keep yourself fit and stress out by doing exercise.
10. Get enough sleep and always be happy and always smile.
11. Last but not least. Don't forget GOD. Pray and talk to GOD everyday.

Well, you read and just think about it. The future is in your hand. You have to help yourself first then GOD will help and support you. GOD is always there for you.
Take good care of yourself and always be happy.
______________________________________________________________
I'm not going to mention who wrote all these for me. but thanks for being supportive. and i wish someone around me would be how the friend above like. well. i know is not so realistic or possible to make someone to be like how i wanted. is not fair. i know i know. hehe. stalie, try not to be mean and sarcastic to ur friends.
And i would like to share this small 'notes' with my readers. thank you.

i need you now

It's a quarter after one.
I'm all alone and i need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

This is part of the chorus from Lady Antebellum - Need you now.
This is not a new song either. but i just heard from the radio few days ago.
They got nice rhythm and eye-catching lyrics. ( just for me )
Well. This is so true for me.
I always get so down and is usually around 1am
I dont know any of u know that i like to call people and talking on phone rather than sms them.
because there is always something i cant write or i cant describe in text.
and i hate sms when im down. cuz the mood is totally gone.
crying alone in the bed is nt something so bad.
but finding no one through ur phonebook is the worst thing ever.
you know the feeling?
u have bunches of number and u couldnt even get to talk to any of them.
mayb some have sleep. mayb some are not so close til i can disclose every little secrets of mine to them. and some of them are not a good audience. last but not least, some of them. is more EMO than i am. i need someone to talk to which can shines my day. It doesn't matter who they are or what they were to me. It is a matter of if u r always there when i need you. It is a sad thing being the smallest child in the house. my brother is 10 years older than me. and u know. sometimes boys and girls barely share secret. moreover we have a much gap on age. thats why i dont tell him my problem. not even once. and sometimes when it is get to so personal maybe something about relationship or what. i cant even tell my mum. all i can tell her is that. IM OK! guys. do u know why i like to search new frens from internet? because they are strangers. who dont know me in real life. and we get close to each other. i can talk more to them about my personal life. and they wouldnt know who am i exactly. they couldnt find me. but things different when u get to talk to a real life fren. im not mean to say they are bad. but they usually are not secret keepers. i mean me too. is a girl nature to gossip. so is hardly to keep a secret among 2 or 3 people. all i wish that i have an audience. who can console me and be my doraemon, help me whenever im in trouble.
frankly.
i am the type. who prefer people to tell me
what is the solution for my problem than trying to stop me from crying.
i know problem would not have dissapear if i cry.
but sometimes i couldnt stop tears rolling down. and i really need someone to remind me everything like this.
people usually know something. they understand. but they dont practice. they dont do or behave like the way they suppose. and im one of them.

Almost got back all the papers, only left out physics, ict and bc. I really did study for this exam. well. harder than the previous one. but i dont see any improve but regress. When i enter Chemistry Lab and teacher asked that did i go for any tuition class and to do more exercise. my heart SINK!my paper one is ok. but paper 3 is terrible. it pulls down my total score. and my essay too. i think i have to work harder on that part. my physics too. im too careless. i darken the wrong objective answer but i got it correct on my question paper. and tats 2 marks. ew. it seems to be very small but is a key that affect my result. my language subject is weak too. gosh. i really have to say. i hate her. the f4 english. im not going to tell who is it. but i'm sure u guys know who is that. i know my english is poor, but i thought that i manage to score A in SPM. but in fact, I'm NOT! the 'truth' float when it gets to this new teacher who marks SPM paper. i never thought that there is so much thing to be improved. and that 'hatred' teacher wasted my time. she should nt be a teacher. u never know how fast my score gone down, is like a elevator fall! i always hope that i can score well in the exam, but ended up.. NO! yet, i accept it. i'm not those who begging for marks. i dont mean to be sarcastic here. i know i've been acting strange lately. slightly different than who i used to be last time. i asked for marks this time and i can tell u why. I JUST WANT TO PROVE THAT I AM RIGHT. if u can give me a strong reason why you deduct my marks. i'll accept. as long as i know where did i got wrong. maybe for certain subject like add maths and sejarah, i'm quite satisfy with the score. but that doesn't mean that i have to stop adding marks even though i deserve for it. sometimes i hate exam. when it comes to result and marks. everyone behave like not anymore of them. and thats how prejudice and disputation starts. i saw a quote just now.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and expect what is most likely to happen

this quote illustrate me myself for so real. i might get down with the low score. but im fine in a second. thats why i classify myself as the happy go lucky type. - been looking for the past year question. trials from a few states. ask the question from me if u want it. but not everyone deserve this 'privillege'. hahas -

Da Vinci Code

man.
im going to mad very soon.
i finished reading the Da Vinci Code months ago.
but im still curious about the thing.

i cant tell why i prefer Christian than Buddha.
after all, i dont know anything about Christianity.
and i read the Da Vinci Code.

i know is a fiction novel.
but this novel is plotted so well.
for everything, every incidence, every detail.
It is not like a harry potter series.
which the magic or broomstick we know is just an illusion.
but this book.
it involved Leornado Da Vinci, Isaac Newton and others which i dont know about them.
Leornado's drawing - Mona Lisa's, The Last Supper.
and all these things do EXIST in the world!
especially The Last Supper.
it says that Mary Magdelene is wife to Jesus.
but some say she is a **********
and the Lourve of Paris.
that is a well known building.
for all the symbols and everything.

Dan Brown declare that all the facts are true. they are evidence.
and some people obviously against Dan Brown.
i'm not sure Dan Brown is a writer or a historian at this moment.
i can see how much he had to work hard to finish this book.
everyone say the Da Vinci Code is something you must have read.
oh yeah!
i did read!
and i never thought that it can influence one so much.

not only for this book.
National Treasure 2.
i've been wondering is there a secret book which inherit from the previous US president to another.
and thats much more to talk on.
im quite lazy to type it all out.

sometimes i keep telling myself not to watch too much movies
since i'm quite easily got influenced by others.
but i couldnt stop it.
u know.
they are amazing!
they amaze me all the time!
they are thrilling! brain-storming!
and they are the drugs to me too!

family photo

is too boring today
i read through many ppl's note in the Facebook.
there is a note about Family.

all of a sudden, i think of
I NEVER HAD A FAMILY PHOTO!
u know.
every time i went to connie's house.
i can see her family photo.
well. im not sure izzit all over her house but i remember her living room has a lot of it.
but i never had a family photo.
no matter is a birthday or a trip.

i remember my dad usually brought me to Malacca when i was small.
he brought me to Crocodile's Farm, Zoo, A Famosa, Circus and many to named.
and that happened when i was small.
After my brother had his license,
know mostly the road in KL,
know a lot cuisine or nice place,
my dad never drive me to any place.
except Seremban and Bahau. for movie or shopping.

I dont remember i had any long trip with my family.
We usually go for only 1 day.
The only trip i had with them is to Langkawi when i was in Form 2
and
a group tour to Ipoh, Cameron and Pangkor when i was Primary 3 or 4.
i still remember i vomit all the way back from Cameron to Kuala Pilah.
yiaks!
i dont enjoy that trip much.

but my brother brought us to Langkawi under AirAsia package. lols.
4D3N.
yet, we dont take any photo there.
i mean photo of us.
we take individually. and most of the photo in the camera.
is the tourism place.
i only take 1 photo in the Oriental Village.
lols.
individually.
not a whole family.

whenever we had birthday celebrations.
my father dont join.
i dont know why.
even if that was his birthday cake.
we dont sing song.
we just cut cake.
and he is watching TV.
i think this celebration is kinda meaningless.
we cut cake for him.
thats why we never had a family photo.
thats bad u know.

i think the only one who take photo with my dad is my mum.
my mum keep it well.
i remember that happened when i was in Primary school.
we bought a new camera and we went to uncle's house.
my brother wanna give a try and ask my parents to take photo together.
and thats the only one.
i know my mum keep the photo very well.
but where is mine

sigh.
even though we are a happy family.
we share the sweetest moment
but memory shall fade away some day.
and i really wish that there is something would last forever.

Add Math project DONE!

oh yay!
finally finished add math project.
i know that isn't hard at all. since there are people who finished it and posted it on the website.
but that really help.
i wish i can give them a credit in my work paper.
but i CANT!
ew.
im just too afraid if any inspectors will read through it and...
uh-oh!
im busted!

i know i copy a lot from others work.
but it actually involved more calculation than writing.
well. i guess should be okay.
cause i type everything.
and erm.
i'm so proud of myself!
teehee!
i learn to create a chart, write a mathematic equation in WORD!
after all
i shall extend a big thank you to GOOGLE!
you are my best buddy ever!

i cant wait to praise myself once i finish my ICT project too.
ew. i dont mean anything.
just to praise myself for finishing all these things earlier and not to drag them.
at least you have done something 'right'? or 'useful'?
awww.. i dont know how to describe.
but im in a GOOD GOOD MOOD now!
hehe,
great job, stalie！

i hate to procastinate

*sigh*
let's see what i've done for this holiday.
audition. ppstream. planning for the trip. a bit of my project.

ew..
but. i actually planned to.
- do notes for my chemistry and history subject.
- do more exercise on my account.
- read novels ( fictional ) eg: harry potter ,twilight series, sherlock holmes, time's traveler wife, shopaholic series and devil wears the prada. * forget bout the oliver twist. i can never make it. i dont know why the english version always make me feel sleepy. i have not read any novel lately ever since i've finish The Da Vinci Code. and that's a good book. i recommend everyone to read.*
- Finish my ICT courseware CD. * duh. i duno where did i keep it after i revise before my ICT papers*
- Read more BM magazine or books to strengthen up my BM. * since my BM is the weakest subject among all and it keeps pull me down. T-T*
that is what i remember.
and erm. i've done nothing related to above!
uh.. tats too bad.

Dont drag urself anymore!
and PLS!
NO MORE PROCRASTINATION!

in this situation, i shall conclude that
IF THERE IS PRESSURE, THAT IS MOTIVATION.
i guess i'll be only working hard if i rush out of time.
and i do understand that i have workssss to be done.
or else.
i will just stay relax and do nothing.

- the worst thing in the world is to watch at the clock and realize how the minutes and seconds outflow from your life -

Oops! i forget again

Ooops....
I forget again.
forget to take medicine.
this is not the first time =P
ew. i dont know why.
i cant finish the antibiotic pills everytime i get sick
cause i never remember to take them lorh.
given instruction to take 4 times per day.
but the first day. i remember to take once.
for the second day, 3 times.
and today. nah! not any.
i cant help at all.
i wish i have an alarm or reminder
remind me to take med on time.
ew. lucky im dun have hypertension or heart disease.
or else i'll die faster than the doctor can expect.
muahaha!
evil me -- WaterFisH

how naive am i

just read through my old blog.
the blog i write when i was 16.
and now im 17
now i realize how naive am i that time.
i see how much i've grown.
isn't it a good thing? =)

shall i open a new blog when i was 18 and see how much i've grown from 17 to 18.
well then the 18-years-old Stalie would think.
GOSH! HOW NAIVE IS THAT 17-YEARS-OLD STALIE!
muahaha! evil me.
call me DEVIL =P

i wish i can learn something new from time to time.
i'm not the one who act like 15 anymore.
i try to accept everyone for who they are.
you know you cant change them but you can change the way you treat them and your attitude towards them.
is a good thing.
i try not to hate those who hurt me before. even tho i know is hard.
i try to accept every challenge.
i know is a opportunity to gain experience.
never afraid to try.
never afraid to lose. or else you will not gain something new.
for every bad thing i've been through.
let's just look up to it.
maybe it teach me a lesson.
from
NOT TO BELIEVE ONE EASILY.
NOT TO BE SILENT WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TOO.
NOT TO BE PLAYFUL WHEN YOU SHOUDNT.
NOT TO BE SARCASTIC WHEN SOMEONE HURTS YOU.
FACE UP EVERY PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE TO.
NOT TO RUN AWAY FROM ANY TROUBLES.
EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE SAY
" dont trouble troubles or trouble troubles you!"
hehe.
glad that i can write so much of it.
but remember. not just to write.
but to be practical.
you're going to be stronger and tougher.
not any crying baby.
i wish to see how much i've grown when im 18.
i love myself. i love to be who i am.
i read Scar's status.
to be proud of who you are.
that motivates me.
thanks!

hesitate

just talk to mei yan
we were supposed to let travel agency to plan our end year trip.
but erm.
we find the hotel and tourism places by ourselves.
so she did have a point. that is
why we will just let the travel agency to plan the routine and estimate the budget, but they will try to earn some " commission" from us. it doesn't worth.
oh yeah! she did point out. i was agree at that moment.

but later on
i talk to my mum.
she asked why we find everything for the trip instead of letting those ppl to take care of.
and if we did not manage the trip well. everyone will put the blame on us.
BUT if we did manage the trip well. no one will extend a thank you to us too.
yeah! this time my mum point out something too.
which is so TRUE.
and i couldn't ignore it.
some more she said i should have take care of myself before i take care of the others.
i know. she worried about me.
she thought that i had migrain attack past few days.
but actually. i am not.
just fever.
im fine. yes. im ok!

i am hesitate now.
i don't know which side to be.
indeed.
everything will be simple and easy if we give all this things back to the travel agency.
but my mum never say NO to me. in such situation.
she always support for my decision.
and she was quite insisted with her opinion this time.
it makes me feel so 'unsafe?'
sometimes i think i should listen to them since they are older and had more experience that i do.
i quoted this myself.
" we will not make any changes if we follow tradition."
i think is grammatically wrong.
but i dont mind.
ew. anyway. i dont know should i obey my mum or get along with mei yan ><”

MALTESE! i luv maltese!

i love maltese!
look at them.
they are so cute! super duper adorable!
i always want a pet.
i love animals. TAME animals.
eg : rabbit, puppies, hamster.
but my mummy never want a pet in the house.
she say is another work for her to take care of those things.
T.T but i really want it.
i prefer puppy.
when i was in primary school.
my neighbour had a puppy.
and we.. erm. me and my neighbours larh.
always went to their house to ply with it.
but one day. it gone.
ppl say is dead. strained by a lorry. O.O"
few months later, a stray dog appears near my house.
thn a few of us take care of it.
but erm.
1 " black-hearted" uncle called the wad wad department and they caught the dog.
we named the dog "bobo"
but there is another stray dog here. yet looks alike the "bobo"
therefore, we named it as "bobo" again. lalala~
when my next door went back to indo.
is my duty to take care of it ><
it is a cute one.
but they are not maltese anyway.

i love maltese and i want maltese!
even tho they are hard to take care.
since their fur will keep on growing.
and sometimes it could be as long as it can cover their faces. Uh Oh!!
nah. then u have to take them to the pet saloon ><
but they are really cute.
they are pretty~
and they are better than Chuwawa.

FEVER! i hate pills!

too bad!
people all having football fever now.
but i had the real fever.
38.2 degree Celsius.
is that a very high temperature?
nah. i duno.
but the doctor say so.

wake up about 11.30am today.
and feel like not very well.
i cant explain by words.
is just like. a lifeless puppet.
i tried everything tat would make me feel better
i tried audi. pps. watching HBO.
at last, a bowl of porridge made me feel better.

went to afternoon nap.
i tot that slping might help.
im not sure if im having fever.
Lols. i cant tell because tis is unlike coughing or caught cold.
and i on air cond for the nap.
imao. getting worse.

went to see doctor after my parents had their dinner.
throat inflammation and fever.
pity =/
he gave me 2 med.
antibiotic and for the fever one.
O.O!!
wad? in pill form?
nah. the antibiotic is still ok.
i had those pill before since this doctor is likely to be my family doctor. lols
but erm.
the fever pills is TOO BIG!!!
sized about a 5 cent.
guys. please dont laugh at me.
i can tell u i cant swallow pills.
even the antibiotic.
it took me about 15 mins to finish 1 antibiotic and 2 fever pills.
i vomit for 3 times.
ew. useless waterfish!
i remember i was sent into the hospital once.
the doctor ask me to take some pills and get rest before he done with other patient.
and erm. he gave me pills.
and i ask to exchange for liquid form medicine.
lols. the doctor shocked.
i know i know. sounds strange.
a 17 years old girl rather to take liquid form than pills form.
i know even my cousin 11 years old dont want liquid but pills. ><
she said liquid will just in her mouth. and its bitter.
but i think the pills is dissolve in the water in my mouth yet i cant swallow. even the water too.
uh oh!
*faint*

thx mei yan.

today is the fourth day of the holiday.
i realize i have not done anything yet.
started to do my additional mathematics project.
and erm. i really need some guidance.
working on my ict programming assignment too.
but erm. not going well.

having add maths tuition class these 2 days.
and erm.
teacher start teaching trigonometry.
i heard ppl said that was the hardest chapter in MT.
i dont know what happened.
maybe is getting tougher.
i stuck.
u know. the sin and cos.
i cant tell what is their relationship.
cosec and tan. i cant link them together.

mei yan talked to me.
she said i was like having the very first thought of
" i duno how to solve. thats why i stop. cause i wasn't like that before. i never encounter such a condition in doing mathematics relevant question."
is hard to say. but i have to admit.
i could not bear if i cant solve mathematic question.
i dont mind if i cant write an essay.
but as long as it is maths.
i was like. i couldnt forgive myself if i dont have a clue to solve.
that pressure. come automatically.
i dont know. mayb wilsern is right.
he said i am so 'emulous’？

mei yan asked me to change my attitude.
i shouldn't stop trying even though the question is hard for me.
but i cant control.
i'll get jealous if i see anyone else manage to solve.
and i really dont know why.
i wonder if she knows about it.
but she was just asking me not to give up.

strange huh?
i used to be the one who never ask for answer.
i used to be the one who keep on trying until i success.
but now？
i ask answer from her.
i ask just at the moment i found myself couldn't solve it.
without a second thought of trying it again.
i really hate it! hate it hate it hate it!

anyway. thanks mei yan.
for telling me your opinion.
even though i'm not feeling well.
with what u said just now.

but tat is what a real friend will do. isn't it?
glad that i'll always have u by my side.

take note!

keep ur eyes open to what i write.
keep ur ears open to what i say.

if i text u.
with '....' behind the words.
it means i am in good mood.
but dont get me wrong.
if i only write '....' in a message.
that means i feel bored.

if u find me reply short message without '...'
eg : " O " ( means i know )
that means i'm definitely not in good mood.

if u realize that i keep on reply the same text
such as. lols. haha. swt. and so on.
please find some other topics.
because i really dont know how should i continue.

if u realize i reply a LONG LONG message.
that should only be a few possibilities.
First, i'm telling u my nightmare.
Second, i'm telling u the funniest stuff i've seen lately.
Third, i'm mad because something happened. and i just want to share.
Fourth, ur question is too complex. thats y i have to reply long message.

if my message is unreadable.
erm. mayb with a lot of wrong spelling.
that could be only 2 possiblities.
First, i'm busy with my stuff. that could be playing games. doing project. or IDK.
Second, i'm sleeping.
1 thing to remind you.
whenever u encounter this situation. if you do have urgent message for me. please call me. if i never pick up. please call to my house phone and ask the phone pick up-ers to wake me up.

Last but not least
if we were having a NOT SO GOOD conversation few minutes ago.
and u tried to fix it up by showing my ur smiley good face. eg : =D or asking some silly question.
PLEASE!
dont keep the hard feeling.
if i reply u with " wad? "
which sounds like so. unhappy.
tat means i really get angry.
for ur information, i encourage u to call me up and talk some jokes.
or to ask some other GOOD question.
but remember. never ever STOP replying me message.
that will make me feel mad to u for FEW days.

this is what i can tell.
i'm not asking everyone to be who i want.
but just to let you know how to handle or take care urself when u r talking to me.
i dont mind if u go for ur own way.
and erm. i dont mean to threaten u guys.
just for ur own safety.
because i was looking so " good and kind " all the time. ( for those who never really see my true face )
u'll see a human volcano eruption.
so c yah!

I hate to say

i hate to say
I'M FINE when i'm not.

i hate to say
OKAY when i know i will not do it.

i hate to say
O.. when i know i was just simply agree.

the thing that i really hate to say is
NOTHING when everyone know there is actually something.
and thats the thing that i hate to hear the most.
and i dont want to hear it anymore. especially from u.
but after all.
i'm sure the conversation will end with " Nevermind "
that makes me feel so.. uncomfortable.

Nightmares!

Ahem.
i've got various nightmare lately ==
the very first is erm. i dun remember when is it.
but im sure is the day right before we start our physic paper. LOLS
guess what i dreamed?

first. i dreamed that i had a professor. ask me to some research based on the KTM.
after that. i gone back to terminal 1? huh how can tat happened? Lols. dun ask. i duno too.
then, i saw CMC ( chan mun chun, who i never talk to him for years even he is jz next to my class. IMAO )
i asked him "When exam start?" he said it started 15 mins ago.
i was like. MUMMY! dont! wait for me!
er.. but i duno why i ended up going to the shopping complex car parking lorh~
i ask him to get up to the car. but he said he's ok.
i really wonder how come my car is moving but he can still walk beside my car. at the same speed. Lols.
DAHH DAHH!
i saw. connie, sara, nancy, jeslyn and others gather around the entrance there.
* ew. i remember there is 1 entrance 1 exit. im not sure where they gather. but it muz be the other way i've got into. *
ew. i saw a big PURPLE bag. but most of it was " COLOURED ". oh yeah. is red colour.
my mummy ask not to look at them. oh yea.
it seems all of u guys noe. i'm a.. aiks. u know rite? then i dun have to talk much abt that.
remember i said they were in the other way? i think is left hand side.
therefore i turn right hand side.
AHHHH!
Corpse!
nah.. out of ur expectation. lols. is not just a corpse.
but it was sawned into pieces.
and erm. the head was far place from the body. ew.
disgusting.
lucky that when i was awake it was going to 6.30am or i cant continue sleep later.
phew.
but erm. i couldnt stop thinking abt tat dream. not even i was doing my physics paper.
_______________________________________________________________________________

the next nightmare i had is about being caught.
nah. i duno what happened actually.
but i was been tracking. and erm. siren~~~~
Bi Bu Bi Bu~
i was driving. lols.
my mummy was sitting beside me. i ask her.
which pedals to step on?
she just keep on repeat. dun drive if u duno how to.
nah. i wouldnt care about it.
i tried both pedals.
but ended up speeding. never try to break lorh. not even once. =P
at last. still caught by police.
nah. i guess is plying too much NFS or watch too much initial D or FnF.

_____________________________________________________________________

alright. another dream was about the spider in my room~
ew. is a BIG BIG BIG spider. on my bed!
erm. i grabbed my book. i remember that was my favourite sejarah workbook! lols. and spank on the spider.
oh yay oh yay!
is dead!
but erm.
guess what?
spiders!!!!
small spiders coming out from the BIG spider.
ew. faint!
nah. mummy said mayb i watch too much MUMMY.
hehe.
but erm. i think so. i've been watching anacondas and the mist lately.
both also about those disgusting creatures. but not that scary larh. =P
_____________________________________________________________________________

i guess that is all. i know the last 2 is quite funny tho.
it shouldnt considered as a nightmare. but just to share. =P

just finished science sub paper.
please please. i want my chemistry paper to score 85 and above. i've been working so hard on this subject. physics too.
i dont know why every time i thought that the paper should be ok but ended up with unexpected bad grade >< hate it hate it hate it!
took my account paper for 2 continous days and until almost 5 only go back home. man. tats so tiring.
when i took my paper 1, i think my account paper probably can score A. but after i took my paper 2, what i hope is to get at least a B. i cant afford to see any 40 or 50 on my papers. tat is sooo terrible!
finished my ict paper yesterday and scolded by the teacher.
i really dont mean to ask answer from you. i swear!
u told me the answer is already there. u said the question is correct. u scold me u will deduct my marks if i keep on ask for the answer.
but i dont understand the question.
after all, connie show me question booklet from the graduates.
alright, my wrong. i cant even understand the question, not to mention for the diagram too.
what i can say is i will work hard on ict paper. i will never take this paper easy anymore. and please for the others. you thought that bio is harder than ict. lk is harder too. im not here to say that ict is the hardest paper among this 3 subject.
but all of us have our own problem with our subject. i never say bio is easy. i never say lk is easy even tho leow got 100 every time. so do u guys too. please be consider for us too.
u never know it hurts when u think my paper is easy but i still cant do it well.

gonna start with language sub and sj next week.
going to attend the selection test tomorrow.
i want my sejarah to get prepared as soon as possible.
i plan to finish form 5 and part of form 4 tonight.
please stalie. you gotta be fast. stay away from the computer. it is a temptation! and you know you couldnt resist it.

PLAN YOUR WORK
WORK YOUR PLAN

3rd world war! xD

Exam starts on tomolo until the friday right before the semester holiday.
i dun remember when is it. =P
but nevermind. it doesnt matter.
even tho i start prepare earlier than usual and take this exam more seriously but im still not confident to sit for the papers. it seems like is all because of i only concentrate on chemistry. i did lot of exercise but still not so good. maybe im tooooo focus on the salt chapter?
just finish revise physics. never study it hard. i dont expect to score well in physics. somewhere around 80 should satisfy me.
gonna start with my ict later. one more thing is my add maths.
i dun think i can score as high as i did lastime. what a mess.
the most terrible thing is i haven start revise on my sejarah.
gonna run out of time. everything have to rush rush n rush ><
good luck for everyone sitting for the papers for the next following 2 weeks.
one more thing. no more cheat in exam please.
i really despise those who cheats.
3rd world war is coming. everyone run for ur life!! xD
jiayous for all.

mummy mummy I LOVE U!

she wakes me up every morning. even tho today is saturday.
she brought for a haircut at a very old hair saloon ( where i used to cut my hairs. since i remember, i never cut my hair at other places. ）
she gave me suggestion on which haircut or what hair style suits me.
then she brought me to buy something.
she HOLD my hands while crossing streets.
u never know how good it feels if your parents still hold ur hands even tho u already 17. im truely their baby girl. For ever.

i remember the scene u told me.
the 3 years old boy scream " mummy mummy, i love u so much！” in the public.
people might be thinking is a little boy, dare to say anything and do anything in public. nothing to surprise. but whoever heard that absolutely will feel so SWEET!
i bet every mother in the world would love to hear that too.
ever since you told me the scene, i've been despo to tell you i love you as much as the little boy loves his mother.
but i dont know why am i so shy to tell you.
after that, i keep on tell you i love you so much with the joking tone.
i know you'll be thinking why i keep on having fun on that little boy.
but you never know how i admire him for his courage to tell his mother he loves her so much.. the boy might not know how people will think of him. maybe he is acting silly or he is reli a brave guy.

perhaps you will still hold my hands even tho im 80 and u r 100.
that must be the sweetest thing in the world.
i cant afford to lose you, mum. i love u.

ASEAN

just received test call email from MOE today.
i was like OMG! i got selected again.
but when i read through it.
is like * uh.. y choose that date, y dont have the test on holiday *
after that i called erika, mei yan, ying, soh.
the most terrible thing is mei yan dint even send in the application form.
the rest dint receive the mail too.
i wish that the email may be just late for 1 or 2 days.
at least. gimme another fren to be shortlisted for the test aso. PLS PLS PLS!
i reli dont want to go for the test alone again.
u never know how does it feel.
the last selection test i went, the candidates attended with frens.
and i'm alone there while my parents waiting at outside.
when everyone is busy gossiping, the only thing i can do is just sit there and keep quiet.
EW! i just HATE to do things alone lar.

the thermo pot

Guys.This is real. I have a thermo pot. but the button all not functioning and i dont know why. my mum said that happened since yesterday morning. so i decided to call the service centre. Erm. Cornell Service Center. LOL!

first, i called the malacca one.
*M = me myself, stalie. *O = the operator

M : hello. is this cornell service centre?
O : Sorry. this is "PANASONIC" service centre.
M : okay. thanks.

i was like kinda. shock? how come i called a panasonic centre instead of the cornell centre while i was refer to the warranty card. then i decided to call the petaling jaya one. *du du..* ah ah. nobody picks up my call. fine. then i called the penang one.

M : hello. is this cornell service centre ?
O : Yes. how can i help you?
M : i have a thermo pot. but the button is not functioning. i was wondering which service centre should i send to.
O : .... ( mayb due to the low signal. i couldn't hear what she said )
erm. we have 2 service centre. one at " Pararut " and another one at "Jelubu "

* i was thinking : huh? jelubu? so near one?

M : Jelubu one? can you please give me the jelubu service centre contact number?
O : Miss. you are calling the JELUGOH service centre right now.

* huh? Jelebu or Jelugoh. and where is it? *

M : oh. im sorry. then how about the "PARARUT " one? where is it located? i mean which state?
O : It is just opposite the shell station.

*what? there are so many shell station in Msia and you are trying to ask me to look one by one? *

M : Nono. i mean which state?
O : Huh? im sorry. what what state?
M : State. like erm NS. Malacca. Selangor.
O : Owh.. you are from Malacca?
M : No. from NS.
O : NS? where is it located? and which place it near to?

* oh my god! you dont even know where is negeri sembilan. have you ever study geography before? *

M : It is near to KL or malacca.
O : Oh. then you can send it to malacca service centre or the petaling jaya one.
M : Malacca? where is the service centre located?
O : Tmn. Peringgit Jaya.

* i look through the warranty card again. owh ya. peringgit jaya. but i called there just now. they are the panasonic one. (=.=) *

M : I'm sorry. i've called the malacca one just one. but they said there is Panasonic service centre.
O : Oh no. is PENSONIC service centre. Cornell products are PENSONIC products. they are under PENSONIC one.
M : okay. thanks.

* what? PENSONIC? and not Panasonic? damn. why couldn't you guys try to name it nicely. Pensonic and panasonic sounds alike. somemore we are talking on the phone. how do i know if you were saying Pensonic while i only get to know Panasonic. ==' *

err.. undescribable

i received your message tonight.
you just seems like nothing happened.
acting as usual.

well. you can.
but i cant.
i couldnt pretend that nothing happen at all.
my reply isnt as usual or what i used to write.
i guess you wouldnt realize if anything went wrong.
you are those typical guys with a very very weak sense.
duhh. what to do?

yet.
i write you another message.
but you never reply.
i'm not sure whether im asking those stupid / lame question or not.
but
frankly
i miss you.

2010 teacher's day

Having teacher's day celebration at school yesterday.
This should be one of the memorable day in 2010.
guess what?
we bought a blueberry cake to surprise our class teacher.
randy and mei yan went to office and got our teacher.
then they told her that connie faint in class.
so the teacher rushed to our class. Muahaha!!
but when she reach our class, she feel like something wrong with us.
ahh.
nevermind. still a happy teacher's day.

then at night we have dinner with cjj as celebration.
lol.
they said wan go yam cha after dinner. my god!?!
i dont know how that thing ended up. Lols.

long lasting or NOT?

guess you are the main reason

guess you are the one who made me feel so down lately

you know

i've always wanted to be strong. to be tough as others.

i've tried not to cry easily. i've tried to be independent.

really. i swear!

but to you.

i never wanted to be the tough girl in front of you.

i tell you what happened around me everyday.

and i never thought that would burden you.

im so sorry.

the moment i received my message. my heart SINK

compare to you.

my case is far less smaller and easy to handle.

i know.

that isn't a very serious thing actually.

but im trying to tell everything to you.

because i believe that would make me feel better.

sorry to be selfish.

cause i never thought that that would make you feel worse while im getting better.

for the last 3 years

you never vent your anger.

you never scold me.

you never scold vulgar in front of me. ( mayb u did. once or twice.. but u didn't mean to scold me. rite?)

i keep on convince myself that

you dont mean to be rude to me.

you dont mean to scold me.

you dont mean to hurt me.

you are not in a good mood.

i've run into you at a wrong time.

but that doesn't help me to stop thinking about the message.

i apologized. and you gave a well mannered respond.

maybe you never realized.

but i saw it.

the scratches.

it'll never recover.

i dont even know how to talk to you.

if i never text you. will u text me again?

for every now and then.

i keep an eyes on my phone screen.

waiting for your message.

acting like a silly.

im so scared to feel helpless whenever you are not around.

but you and i

will never be the same if we ever meet again. rite?

i dont know how long would this last.

Changes

Here goes stalie on the way marching to 17 years old.

well yeah.

thats soooo fast.

Im already form 5

Im already in the last year of secondary school life.

Im almost reach the year to get a car license.

Im almost reach the time to leave my parents, my house for months.

you'll never know that time passes so quickly but

someday you'll realize that you've already gone so far.

so far away from the starting point.

i read that passage that morning.

" the scariest thing is to watch at the clock. hearing the tick tock sound. watching the needle moving. feel ur time passes. feel ur life is getting to the end. "

well yeah.

that scares me.

when i read that. i just feel like

" oh GOSH! im 17.. 17!! damn.. y i keep on wasting my time until i never get anything i want to be done yet im already 17!"

take a flashback of my 17.

erm.. i mean the 4 or 5 months ago.

i realize i've had a big big big changes.

how do u think?

first of all

im not anymore a monitor. Okay! Im so free. free until i got nothing to do during recess.

Second

im trying to improve my social skills.

*nod nod*

i've tried to speak and not to keep quiet and smile when other people talk to me.

i've tried to talk in another way. erm. which is giving some good respond? mayb?

i used to be the one who will just agree when other says. uhhh.. thats toooo BAD!!

third

i learn to disagree!!! ( funny.. rite?)

yea yea!

imma quarrel for anything which is unfair to me.

imma fight for anything which is mean a lot to me.

tat is not what i am previously.

Briefly.

i feel another new me.

how do u think?

New blog

This is new blog.

i've been planning to start a new blog few months ago.

hehe.

i guess they are right.

"plan your work. work your plan."

i've been so down lately.

is true. something did happened.

but i got nobody to tell.

i tried.

randy. mervin.

but that doesn't help.

they are not me.

i cant even explain my feeling. so how could they know what im trying to tell.

i guess here is the only place where i can write my feelings out.

i think that should help.

but to be precise.

i wish that blog could be my friend. or maybe a part of my life.

anyway.

wish me

HAPPY BLOGGING!!