i need you now

It's a quarter after one.
I'm all alone and i need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

This is part of the chorus from Lady Antebellum - Need you now.
This is not a new song either. but i just heard from the radio few days ago.
They got nice rhythm and eye-catching lyrics. ( just for me )
Well. This is so true for me.
I always get so down and is usually around 1am
I dont know any of u know that i like to call people and talking on phone rather than sms them.
because there is always something i cant write or i cant describe in text.
and i hate sms when im down. cuz the mood is totally gone.
crying alone in the bed is nt something so bad.
but finding no one through ur phonebook is the worst thing ever.
you know the feeling?
u have bunches of number and u couldnt even get to talk to any of them.
mayb some have sleep. mayb some are not so close til i can disclose every little secrets of mine to them. and some of them are not a good audience. last but not least, some of them. is more EMO than i am. i need someone to talk to which can shines my day. It doesn't matter who they are or what they were to me. It is a matter of if u r always there when i need you. It is a sad thing being the smallest child in the house. my brother is 10 years older than me. and u know. sometimes boys and girls barely share secret. moreover we have a much gap on age. thats why i dont tell him my problem. not even once. and sometimes when it is get to so personal maybe something about relationship or what. i cant even tell my mum. all i can tell her is that. IM OK! guys. do u know why i like to search new frens from internet? because they are strangers. who dont know me in real life. and we get close to each other. i can talk more to them about my personal life. and they wouldnt know who am i exactly. they couldnt find me. but things different when u get to talk to a real life fren. im not mean to say they are bad. but they usually are not secret keepers. i mean me too. is a girl nature to gossip. so is hardly to keep a secret among 2 or 3 people. all i wish that i have an audience. who can console me and be my doraemon, help me whenever im in trouble.
frankly.
i am the type. who prefer people to tell me
what is the solution for my problem than trying to stop me from crying.
i know problem would not have dissapear if i cry.
but sometimes i couldnt stop tears rolling down. and i really need someone to remind me everything like this.
people usually know something. they understand. but they dont practice. they dont do or behave like the way they suppose. and im one of them.

Almost got back all the papers, only left out physics, ict and bc. I really did study for this exam. well. harder than the previous one. but i dont see any improve but regress. When i enter Chemistry Lab and teacher asked that did i go for any tuition class and to do more exercise. my heart SINK!my paper one is ok. but paper 3 is terrible. it pulls down my total score. and my essay too. i think i have to work harder on that part. my physics too. im too careless. i darken the wrong objective answer but i got it correct on my question paper. and tats 2 marks. ew. it seems to be very small but is a key that affect my result. my language subject is weak too. gosh. i really have to say. i hate her. the f4 english. im not going to tell who is it. but i'm sure u guys know who is that. i know my english is poor, but i thought that i manage to score A in SPM. but in fact, I'm NOT! the 'truth' float when it gets to this new teacher who marks SPM paper. i never thought that there is so much thing to be improved. and that 'hatred' teacher wasted my time. she should nt be a teacher. u never know how fast my score gone down, is like a elevator fall! i always hope that i can score well in the exam, but ended up.. NO! yet, i accept it. i'm not those who begging for marks. i dont mean to be sarcastic here. i know i've been acting strange lately. slightly different than who i used to be last time. i asked for marks this time and i can tell u why. I JUST WANT TO PROVE THAT I AM RIGHT. if u can give me a strong reason why you deduct my marks. i'll accept. as long as i know where did i got wrong. maybe for certain subject like add maths and sejarah, i'm quite satisfy with the score. but that doesn't mean that i have to stop adding marks even though i deserve for it. sometimes i hate exam. when it comes to result and marks. everyone behave like not anymore of them. and thats how prejudice and disputation starts. i saw a quote just now.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and expect what is most likely to happen

this quote illustrate me myself for so real. i might get down with the low score. but im fine in a second. thats why i classify myself as the happy go lucky type. - been looking for the past year question. trials from a few states. ask the question from me if u want it. but not everyone deserve this 'privillege'. hahas -

Da Vinci Code

man.
im going to mad very soon.
i finished reading the Da Vinci Code months ago.
but im still curious about the thing.

i cant tell why i prefer Christian than Buddha.
after all, i dont know anything about Christianity.
and i read the Da Vinci Code.

i know is a fiction novel.
but this novel is plotted so well.
for everything, every incidence, every detail.
It is not like a harry potter series.
which the magic or broomstick we know is just an illusion.
but this book.
it involved Leornado Da Vinci, Isaac Newton and others which i dont know about them.
Leornado's drawing - Mona Lisa's, The Last Supper.
and all these things do EXIST in the world!
especially The Last Supper.
it says that Mary Magdelene is wife to Jesus.
but some say she is a **********
and the Lourve of Paris.
that is a well known building.
for all the symbols and everything.

Dan Brown declare that all the facts are true. they are evidence.
and some people obviously against Dan Brown.
i'm not sure Dan Brown is a writer or a historian at this moment.
i can see how much he had to work hard to finish this book.
everyone say the Da Vinci Code is something you must have read.
oh yeah!
i did read!
and i never thought that it can influence one so much.

not only for this book.
National Treasure 2.
i've been wondering is there a secret book which inherit from the previous US president to another.
and thats much more to talk on.
im quite lazy to type it all out.

sometimes i keep telling myself not to watch too much movies
since i'm quite easily got influenced by others.
but i couldnt stop it.
u know.
they are amazing!
they amaze me all the time!
they are thrilling! brain-storming!
and they are the drugs to me too!

family photo

is too boring today
i read through many ppl's note in the Facebook.
there is a note about Family.

all of a sudden, i think of
I NEVER HAD A FAMILY PHOTO!
u know.
every time i went to connie's house.
i can see her family photo.
well. im not sure izzit all over her house but i remember her living room has a lot of it.
but i never had a family photo.
no matter is a birthday or a trip.

i remember my dad usually brought me to Malacca when i was small.
he brought me to Crocodile's Farm, Zoo, A Famosa, Circus and many to named.
and that happened when i was small.
After my brother had his license,
know mostly the road in KL,
know a lot cuisine or nice place,
my dad never drive me to any place.
except Seremban and Bahau. for movie or shopping.

I dont remember i had any long trip with my family.
We usually go for only 1 day.
The only trip i had with them is to Langkawi when i was in Form 2
and
a group tour to Ipoh, Cameron and Pangkor when i was Primary 3 or 4.
i still remember i vomit all the way back from Cameron to Kuala Pilah.
yiaks!
i dont enjoy that trip much.

but my brother brought us to Langkawi under AirAsia package. lols.
4D3N.
yet, we dont take any photo there.
i mean photo of us.
we take individually. and most of the photo in the camera.
is the tourism place.
i only take 1 photo in the Oriental Village.
lols.
individually.
not a whole family.

whenever we had birthday celebrations.
my father dont join.
i dont know why.
even if that was his birthday cake.
we dont sing song.
we just cut cake.
and he is watching TV.
i think this celebration is kinda meaningless.
we cut cake for him.
thats why we never had a family photo.
thats bad u know.

i think the only one who take photo with my dad is my mum.
my mum keep it well.
i remember that happened when i was in Primary school.
we bought a new camera and we went to uncle's house.
my brother wanna give a try and ask my parents to take photo together.
and thats the only one.
i know my mum keep the photo very well.
but where is mine

sigh.
even though we are a happy family.
we share the sweetest moment
but memory shall fade away some day.
and i really wish that there is something would last forever.

Add Math project DONE!

oh yay!
finally finished add math project.
i know that isn't hard at all. since there are people who finished it and posted it on the website.
but that really help.
i wish i can give them a credit in my work paper.
but i CANT!
ew.
im just too afraid if any inspectors will read through it and...
uh-oh!
im busted!

i know i copy a lot from others work.
but it actually involved more calculation than writing.
well. i guess should be okay.
cause i type everything.
and erm.
i'm so proud of myself!
teehee!
i learn to create a chart, write a mathematic equation in WORD!
after all
i shall extend a big thank you to GOOGLE!
you are my best buddy ever!

i cant wait to praise myself once i finish my ICT project too.
ew. i dont mean anything.
just to praise myself for finishing all these things earlier and not to drag them.
at least you have done something 'right'? or 'useful'?
awww.. i dont know how to describe.
but im in a GOOD GOOD MOOD now!
hehe,
great job, stalie！

i hate to procastinate

*sigh*
let's see what i've done for this holiday.
audition. ppstream. planning for the trip. a bit of my project.

ew..
but. i actually planned to.
- do notes for my chemistry and history subject.
- do more exercise on my account.
- read novels ( fictional ) eg: harry potter ,twilight series, sherlock holmes, time's traveler wife, shopaholic series and devil wears the prada. * forget bout the oliver twist. i can never make it. i dont know why the english version always make me feel sleepy. i have not read any novel lately ever since i've finish The Da Vinci Code. and that's a good book. i recommend everyone to read.*
- Finish my ICT courseware CD. * duh. i duno where did i keep it after i revise before my ICT papers*
- Read more BM magazine or books to strengthen up my BM. * since my BM is the weakest subject among all and it keeps pull me down. T-T*
that is what i remember.
and erm. i've done nothing related to above!
uh.. tats too bad.

Dont drag urself anymore!
and PLS!
NO MORE PROCRASTINATION!

in this situation, i shall conclude that
IF THERE IS PRESSURE, THAT IS MOTIVATION.
i guess i'll be only working hard if i rush out of time.
and i do understand that i have workssss to be done.
or else.
i will just stay relax and do nothing.

- the worst thing in the world is to watch at the clock and realize how the minutes and seconds outflow from your life -

Oops! i forget again

Ooops....
I forget again.
forget to take medicine.
this is not the first time =P
ew. i dont know why.
i cant finish the antibiotic pills everytime i get sick
cause i never remember to take them lorh.
given instruction to take 4 times per day.
but the first day. i remember to take once.
for the second day, 3 times.
and today. nah! not any.
i cant help at all.
i wish i have an alarm or reminder
remind me to take med on time.
ew. lucky im dun have hypertension or heart disease.
or else i'll die faster than the doctor can expect.
muahaha!
evil me -- WaterFisH

how naive am i

just read through my old blog.
the blog i write when i was 16.
and now im 17
now i realize how naive am i that time.
i see how much i've grown.
isn't it a good thing? =)

shall i open a new blog when i was 18 and see how much i've grown from 17 to 18.
well then the 18-years-old Stalie would think.
GOSH! HOW NAIVE IS THAT 17-YEARS-OLD STALIE!
muahaha! evil me.
call me DEVIL =P

i wish i can learn something new from time to time.
i'm not the one who act like 15 anymore.
i try to accept everyone for who they are.
you know you cant change them but you can change the way you treat them and your attitude towards them.
is a good thing.
i try not to hate those who hurt me before. even tho i know is hard.
i try to accept every challenge.
i know is a opportunity to gain experience.
never afraid to try.
never afraid to lose. or else you will not gain something new.
for every bad thing i've been through.
let's just look up to it.
maybe it teach me a lesson.
from
NOT TO BELIEVE ONE EASILY.
NOT TO BE SILENT WHEN YOU DONT HAVE TOO.
NOT TO BE PLAYFUL WHEN YOU SHOUDNT.
NOT TO BE SARCASTIC WHEN SOMEONE HURTS YOU.
FACE UP EVERY PROBLEM THAT YOU HAVE TO.
NOT TO RUN AWAY FROM ANY TROUBLES.
EVEN THOUGH PEOPLE SAY
" dont trouble troubles or trouble troubles you!"
hehe.
glad that i can write so much of it.
but remember. not just to write.
but to be practical.
you're going to be stronger and tougher.
not any crying baby.
i wish to see how much i've grown when im 18.
i love myself. i love to be who i am.
i read Scar's status.
to be proud of who you are.
that motivates me.
thanks!

hesitate

just talk to mei yan
we were supposed to let travel agency to plan our end year trip.
but erm.
we find the hotel and tourism places by ourselves.
so she did have a point. that is
why we will just let the travel agency to plan the routine and estimate the budget, but they will try to earn some " commission" from us. it doesn't worth.
oh yeah! she did point out. i was agree at that moment.

but later on
i talk to my mum.
she asked why we find everything for the trip instead of letting those ppl to take care of.
and if we did not manage the trip well. everyone will put the blame on us.
BUT if we did manage the trip well. no one will extend a thank you to us too.
yeah! this time my mum point out something too.
which is so TRUE.
and i couldn't ignore it.
some more she said i should have take care of myself before i take care of the others.
i know. she worried about me.
she thought that i had migrain attack past few days.
but actually. i am not.
just fever.
im fine. yes. im ok!

i am hesitate now.
i don't know which side to be.
indeed.
everything will be simple and easy if we give all this things back to the travel agency.
but my mum never say NO to me. in such situation.
she always support for my decision.
and she was quite insisted with her opinion this time.
it makes me feel so 'unsafe?'
sometimes i think i should listen to them since they are older and had more experience that i do.
i quoted this myself.
" we will not make any changes if we follow tradition."
i think is grammatically wrong.
but i dont mind.
ew. anyway. i dont know should i obey my mum or get along with mei yan ><”

MALTESE! i luv maltese!

i love maltese!
look at them.
they are so cute! super duper adorable!
i always want a pet.
i love animals. TAME animals.
eg : rabbit, puppies, hamster.
but my mummy never want a pet in the house.
she say is another work for her to take care of those things.
T.T but i really want it.
i prefer puppy.
when i was in primary school.
my neighbour had a puppy.
and we.. erm. me and my neighbours larh.
always went to their house to ply with it.
but one day. it gone.
ppl say is dead. strained by a lorry. O.O"
few months later, a stray dog appears near my house.
thn a few of us take care of it.
but erm.
1 " black-hearted" uncle called the wad wad department and they caught the dog.
we named the dog "bobo"
but there is another stray dog here. yet looks alike the "bobo"
therefore, we named it as "bobo" again. lalala~
when my next door went back to indo.
is my duty to take care of it ><
it is a cute one.
but they are not maltese anyway.

i love maltese and i want maltese!
even tho they are hard to take care.
since their fur will keep on growing.
and sometimes it could be as long as it can cover their faces. Uh Oh!!
nah. then u have to take them to the pet saloon ><
but they are really cute.
they are pretty~
and they are better than Chuwawa.

FEVER! i hate pills!

too bad!
people all having football fever now.
but i had the real fever.
38.2 degree Celsius.
is that a very high temperature?
nah. i duno.
but the doctor say so.

wake up about 11.30am today.
and feel like not very well.
i cant explain by words.
is just like. a lifeless puppet.
i tried everything tat would make me feel better
i tried audi. pps. watching HBO.
at last, a bowl of porridge made me feel better.

went to afternoon nap.
i tot that slping might help.
im not sure if im having fever.
Lols. i cant tell because tis is unlike coughing or caught cold.
and i on air cond for the nap.
imao. getting worse.

went to see doctor after my parents had their dinner.
throat inflammation and fever.
pity =/
he gave me 2 med.
antibiotic and for the fever one.
O.O!!
wad? in pill form?
nah. the antibiotic is still ok.
i had those pill before since this doctor is likely to be my family doctor. lols
but erm.
the fever pills is TOO BIG!!!
sized about a 5 cent.
guys. please dont laugh at me.
i can tell u i cant swallow pills.
even the antibiotic.
it took me about 15 mins to finish 1 antibiotic and 2 fever pills.
i vomit for 3 times.
ew. useless waterfish!
i remember i was sent into the hospital once.
the doctor ask me to take some pills and get rest before he done with other patient.
and erm. he gave me pills.
and i ask to exchange for liquid form medicine.
lols. the doctor shocked.
i know i know. sounds strange.
a 17 years old girl rather to take liquid form than pills form.
i know even my cousin 11 years old dont want liquid but pills. ><
she said liquid will just in her mouth. and its bitter.
but i think the pills is dissolve in the water in my mouth yet i cant swallow. even the water too.
uh oh!
*faint*

thx mei yan.

today is the fourth day of the holiday.
i realize i have not done anything yet.
started to do my additional mathematics project.
and erm. i really need some guidance.
working on my ict programming assignment too.
but erm. not going well.

having add maths tuition class these 2 days.
and erm.
teacher start teaching trigonometry.
i heard ppl said that was the hardest chapter in MT.
i dont know what happened.
maybe is getting tougher.
i stuck.
u know. the sin and cos.
i cant tell what is their relationship.
cosec and tan. i cant link them together.

mei yan talked to me.
she said i was like having the very first thought of
" i duno how to solve. thats why i stop. cause i wasn't like that before. i never encounter such a condition in doing mathematics relevant question."
is hard to say. but i have to admit.
i could not bear if i cant solve mathematic question.
i dont mind if i cant write an essay.
but as long as it is maths.
i was like. i couldnt forgive myself if i dont have a clue to solve.
that pressure. come automatically.
i dont know. mayb wilsern is right.
he said i am so 'emulous’？

mei yan asked me to change my attitude.
i shouldn't stop trying even though the question is hard for me.
but i cant control.
i'll get jealous if i see anyone else manage to solve.
and i really dont know why.
i wonder if she knows about it.
but she was just asking me not to give up.

strange huh?
i used to be the one who never ask for answer.
i used to be the one who keep on trying until i success.
but now？
i ask answer from her.
i ask just at the moment i found myself couldn't solve it.
without a second thought of trying it again.
i really hate it! hate it hate it hate it!

anyway. thanks mei yan.
for telling me your opinion.
even though i'm not feeling well.
with what u said just now.

but tat is what a real friend will do. isn't it?
glad that i'll always have u by my side.

take note!

keep ur eyes open to what i write.
keep ur ears open to what i say.

if i text u.
with '....' behind the words.
it means i am in good mood.
but dont get me wrong.
if i only write '....' in a message.
that means i feel bored.

if u find me reply short message without '...'
eg : " O " ( means i know )
that means i'm definitely not in good mood.

if u realize that i keep on reply the same text
such as. lols. haha. swt. and so on.
please find some other topics.
because i really dont know how should i continue.

if u realize i reply a LONG LONG message.
that should only be a few possibilities.
First, i'm telling u my nightmare.
Second, i'm telling u the funniest stuff i've seen lately.
Third, i'm mad because something happened. and i just want to share.
Fourth, ur question is too complex. thats y i have to reply long message.

if my message is unreadable.
erm. mayb with a lot of wrong spelling.
that could be only 2 possiblities.
First, i'm busy with my stuff. that could be playing games. doing project. or IDK.
Second, i'm sleeping.
1 thing to remind you.
whenever u encounter this situation. if you do have urgent message for me. please call me. if i never pick up. please call to my house phone and ask the phone pick up-ers to wake me up.

Last but not least
if we were having a NOT SO GOOD conversation few minutes ago.
and u tried to fix it up by showing my ur smiley good face. eg : =D or asking some silly question.
PLEASE!
dont keep the hard feeling.
if i reply u with " wad? "
which sounds like so. unhappy.
tat means i really get angry.
for ur information, i encourage u to call me up and talk some jokes.
or to ask some other GOOD question.
but remember. never ever STOP replying me message.
that will make me feel mad to u for FEW days.

this is what i can tell.
i'm not asking everyone to be who i want.
but just to let you know how to handle or take care urself when u r talking to me.
i dont mind if u go for ur own way.
and erm. i dont mean to threaten u guys.
just for ur own safety.
because i was looking so " good and kind " all the time. ( for those who never really see my true face )
u'll see a human volcano eruption.
so c yah!

I hate to say

i hate to say
I'M FINE when i'm not.

i hate to say
OKAY when i know i will not do it.

i hate to say
O.. when i know i was just simply agree.

the thing that i really hate to say is
NOTHING when everyone know there is actually something.
and thats the thing that i hate to hear the most.
and i dont want to hear it anymore. especially from u.
but after all.
i'm sure the conversation will end with " Nevermind "
that makes me feel so.. uncomfortable.

Nightmares!

Ahem.
i've got various nightmare lately ==
the very first is erm. i dun remember when is it.
but im sure is the day right before we start our physic paper. LOLS
guess what i dreamed?

first. i dreamed that i had a professor. ask me to some research based on the KTM.
after that. i gone back to terminal 1? huh how can tat happened? Lols. dun ask. i duno too.
then, i saw CMC ( chan mun chun, who i never talk to him for years even he is jz next to my class. IMAO )
i asked him "When exam start?" he said it started 15 mins ago.
i was like. MUMMY! dont! wait for me!
er.. but i duno why i ended up going to the shopping complex car parking lorh~
i ask him to get up to the car. but he said he's ok.
i really wonder how come my car is moving but he can still walk beside my car. at the same speed. Lols.
DAHH DAHH!
i saw. connie, sara, nancy, jeslyn and others gather around the entrance there.
* ew. i remember there is 1 entrance 1 exit. im not sure where they gather. but it muz be the other way i've got into. *
ew. i saw a big PURPLE bag. but most of it was " COLOURED ". oh yeah. is red colour.
my mummy ask not to look at them. oh yea.
it seems all of u guys noe. i'm a.. aiks. u know rite? then i dun have to talk much abt that.
remember i said they were in the other way? i think is left hand side.
therefore i turn right hand side.
AHHHH!
Corpse!
nah.. out of ur expectation. lols. is not just a corpse.
but it was sawned into pieces.
and erm. the head was far place from the body. ew.
disgusting.
lucky that when i was awake it was going to 6.30am or i cant continue sleep later.
phew.
but erm. i couldnt stop thinking abt tat dream. not even i was doing my physics paper.
_______________________________________________________________________________

the next nightmare i had is about being caught.
nah. i duno what happened actually.
but i was been tracking. and erm. siren~~~~
Bi Bu Bi Bu~
i was driving. lols.
my mummy was sitting beside me. i ask her.
which pedals to step on?
she just keep on repeat. dun drive if u duno how to.
nah. i wouldnt care about it.
i tried both pedals.
but ended up speeding. never try to break lorh. not even once. =P
at last. still caught by police.
nah. i guess is plying too much NFS or watch too much initial D or FnF.

_____________________________________________________________________

alright. another dream was about the spider in my room~
ew. is a BIG BIG BIG spider. on my bed!
erm. i grabbed my book. i remember that was my favourite sejarah workbook! lols. and spank on the spider.
oh yay oh yay!
is dead!
but erm.
guess what?
spiders!!!!
small spiders coming out from the BIG spider.
ew. faint!
nah. mummy said mayb i watch too much MUMMY.
hehe.
but erm. i think so. i've been watching anacondas and the mist lately.
both also about those disgusting creatures. but not that scary larh. =P
_____________________________________________________________________________

i guess that is all. i know the last 2 is quite funny tho.
it shouldnt considered as a nightmare. but just to share. =P