Confession of a would-be-psycho.

Am i a psycho? I could not stop questioning myself. Everything seems to be so wrong in my life now. What have I done to ruin my life? What can i do to safe my life?

I watched Hannah Montana Movie last weekend. She said, life is a climb, it is hard, but the view is so beautiful.

Yeah. Life is a climb, with high and low, with laughter and tears.

Why i think i am a psycho?

I always thought that i am a optimist, but i actually a pessimist when i am alone.
I always try my best to stretch a big smiley face, but i shed tears eventually.
The louder i smile, the more tears i shed.

Friends sit beside me in the class sometimes think that i'm a something wrong. I can be very funny at sometime, or maybe i should say is silly. I can just laugh, at nothing. A no-point-laugh is something i do in school daily. But at home, i don't act like that. Yes of course. I always have something funny happened or just throw out some jokes, but i never laugh like this ever before when i at home. My mum thought that i was going somewhere wrong, she hasn't see me laugh like this before.
*Shh~ mum, let me tell you a secret. When you turned your back and walk away, tears were rolling down, but laughter never stop.*

I have really been through a hard time these days, all i wish is some understanding from you. But i never expect that, cause you wouldn't know.

For every time i think of you, i immediately make a phone call. But it is never been answered. For the first time, you answer my phone call today. I have tons of things to tell, to throw, to yell, but when you pick up the phone, I don't know what to tell, how should i react upon your "Hi."

I'm so coward, I only manage to send you a message after the call ended. I tell you how bad i feel, and how hard for me to speak it out. Thanks for giving me some courage, asking me to speak out. But sorry, cause i know i will failed you.

After all, i still think that i am a psycho. When I say stop, I can immediately pull on the serious face. And i can suddenly laugh. After every laughter, i cried. Bunches of worries were in my head, I was down for a moment, mood was turned off. But just a second, mood was tune on, you still looking at my silly face. But i know, problem would not disappear if i run away. Things can only be done only if I did it.
I know these so well, but I never do so.

1 more thing, a would-be-psycho like me hates to be alone. I couldn't stop thinking some ridiculous thing when i'm alone. My heart burdened be and i cried off followed by fall asleep. I just wish that there is someone who can know me so well without a word, who he or she is able to tell that I'm happy or not from how I look that day, who can make me feel stronger whenever he or she sticks with me, stand by my side, who raise me up, give me strength, courage me to be who I want, to achieve what i want.