Is been 2 years since you left us. I wonder how is life after death? Peaceful? Do you really meet God? or even stay with God? I havent mourn for u for a long time, hmmn.. almost a year? Sorry that I dont remember that much. It seems that I've started let things go away as time passes. Will you blame me? I know you dont.
I went to hospital yesterday. I did a endoscope and ultrasound, diagnose with nothing. I'm sure you will be glad to hear this, I'm fine. Definitely healthy, but erm. just obese. I promise I will start putting off this 'loads'. Hehe. =)
I saw carp fish in the pool, and then only I think of you. Kinda dissapointed huh? I'm sure you are. It is because the place we placed you has a lot of carp fish, windy, and erm nice building structure, and I'm loving it. I'm sure you will too.
Frankly, I dont remember your faces at those early age. All I remember is how your silly smiley face, you shake your head when all of us asked you to stop but you insist this is what doctor asked you to do. But, it is actually a No-No. I remember you used to bring me to the temple, feed me with those dumpling, one of my favourite food, and yes, it is now too. I remember you are the only one who taught me to tie up my shoelace patiently, you did it instead of my mum. I remember it was so kind of you that you never blame me for anything i've done wrong. You make mooncakes, dumplings, cakes, muruku. You sew shirts. My mum too. Yet, I havent learn anything of this from you or her either.
Life is fragile. I wanted to say this long ago. The scene was so real, unforgettable and unbearable pain. It was still like yesterday, like you havent leave me for years, weeks and days. I very seldom think of you. But when I thought of, everything about you seems to flashback, I recall every moment with you. I couldnt ignore the hard feeling in my heart. It was me to ignore your request, I didnt want to pick up that stinky thing, and you have to do it all on your own. But it was then you've got stroke. It was too late for me to blame myself now. No point for crying over the spilt milk. Yet, you praised me. You told others that I quickly got others to offer you help when you couldn't stand. But I know it deeply that you were just too kind to say that, to protect me against the sins that i've done.
Time passes so quickly. He is not that strong anymore. But his temper never changed. He sleep in my room everytime he stay here. You couldn't imagine how many times he will wake up at the night to go toilet. Or maybe you knew it? I know he is lonely at KL, he dint want to stay there. No companions. Everyone stop him from doing this and doing that. Maybe you should talk to him oftenly in his dream. Tell him how his attitude will affect the others. Tell him how to stay along with them. I always try my best to talk to him when he is here, but you know? things got out of my hand, I dont have any topic to talk. Tell me what to do? I always lose my temper when I'm against him, when he kept on asking the same question. Teach me how to control my temper. Verbal wound would be as bad as physical one, or maybe worse. I really want to appreciate him, but sometimes I just turned things upside down.
I still miss you now. just not that much anymore. I dont want to forget you. I'll save a place in my heart for you. It is secured, locked and the password is with you now. Tell me if I've change bad, adversely affect my life. Tell me if I'm no longer the little girl you've know. I really do miss you. Tell me to take care of myself, and for the others too.
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