say SHOO!! to bad luck

ew. this is the most terrible weekend i ever had even though the school mid-term exam is over. guess what? my mum went to see orthopedics yesterday, my dad and i accompany her. Doctor ask her to go for physiotherapy, but she seems like " duh.. i'm not going!". But at last, we forced her to do appointment for the session. So then, we rushed back to KP cause i have account tuition in the afternoon. Oh yea! we managed to arrive right at 2.30, but i went home at 3pm. Ew. that stupid "ache" is killing me! i keep on burping and my stomach is just like a balloon - filled with air. So immediately my mum took me to the clinic. I was actually feel like having fever on Friday night, but it gets better on Saturday morning. and the doctor ask " have u ate durian lately？" oh well! heaven YES! so he say, thats why i got indigestion. WHAT?! i just ate 2 only, my mum finished most of it leh, how come she dont have problem~?! well erm, i dont mean to curse her. but i think is so ridiculous. After that, we went home. and then, i saw my dad sleeping, my mum said he caught cold. luckily he got better after the sleep.

Then at night, i took my medicine again and i dont feel well after i took it. i was like having general weakness. luckily my dad havent sleep yet, he still watching Red Cliff. He realized something wrong with me. Then, he ask me to take his medicine since his was given by the specialist doctor and mine was general clinic doctor. But erm, i rejected. I was so afraid of taking those pills again. So i went to sleep, my door opens wide and he sleep on the sofa. All of sudden i felt nausea, and erm he rushed to my bedroom. He was there all night long until i felt asleep.

Feels good u know? my dad never did this since i got migraine few years ago. he got weaker and weaker. So, he dont have much time taking care of me like this. but i remember each time he reacts when i fall sick. Ask me to do blood test, drive me to specialist hospital in the middle of the night ( hey. u should know how far is Columbia)

Yet, my mum drive him to hospital this morning for operation. Perhaps everything goes well and smooth. My brother not coming back this weekend, i wish he is doing good. At first, i worried my parents. Then, my dad worried my mum and I. Now, my mum have to take care my dad and I. Ew. Life is a cycle, isn't it? Anyway, i'm doubt that is it my house Feng Shui not that good thats why everyone is ill? Perhaps i was just thinking too much x)

Get well soon, dad.
Get well soon, mum.
Get well soon, Stalie.

and we shall say SHOO!! to bad luck.

hmn.. where should i start with?
alright. this Monday. 12 July 2010 is my birthday! I'm officially 17 now. hehes. thanks for the doggie plushie from erika. i love it soooo much! hahas. its sooo cute!
thanks for the wishes too. and of course the birthday cake. hahas! i never thought that u guys will celebrate for me. last but not least, thanks sara, connie, yap xin and mei yan for ur companion that night at kfc. it is so nice to chat with you all. i mean gossip this and that.

13 July 2010
hmn.. i dont remember any special thing happen on this day. so lets just skip!

14 July 2010
Went for spelling bee competition. oh my gosh! it looks like a children game. yet, i think im losing it. i dont know will i participate again if i have given a chance next time.

15 July 2010
Olah! guess what happened today?! i sent a short message and i got a long message which starts with Txxxxxx. Guess what? is Tahniah. man, thats PLKN. i've got selected for that thingy. even then, i fall asleep again. without worries. LOls.I'm actually neither too happy for getting this special 'selection' nor too sad like some would have cry like hell. i dont know why. i just felt like " oh yea! expected!" so far, i only know Joanne, Yap Xin, Kam, Sin Hui, Yong, Justin and I got selected for the PLKN in our class. looking forward for more and more tahniah in our class! Hey! if u read this, dont blame that i curse u if u're so lucky as i am. because
berat same dipikul, ringan sama dijinjing.
You Fu Tong Xiang, You Nan Tong Dang.
*sorry. just format my pc yesterday. thats why i cant type chinese*

gotta go to bed now. Nitez! sweet dream, stalie. hehes.

i love u, dad.

Havent update my blog lately. just to leave one or two words here bout my life recently. ever since i left the counselling room, i bear in mind to keep studying and never stop for a single moment. it anyhow failed. cause i went to counselling room on monday morning, and i managed to finish reading The Pearl that night. i considered that as a part of my homework, cause i have to know more about the story line by reading it instead of reading the synopsis. The second day, my dad came back early than i thought. i had nice chat with a long-lost-contact friend, siang yi, who used to be my twinny when we were small. And now bad things start, my dad had high fever that night, is about 40 degree Celsius according to my mum. Not many people know that my dad is having haemodialysis, and he dont like other people know cause he afraid that others will treat him in a different way than usual. but i think is ok, it is not AIDS, it dont spread. Then wednesday morning, my mum said she have to fetch my dad to the hospital, cause the metal plate implemented in his left hand stop functioning. Oh my god! that day supposed to be my report card day, and i really want my mum to come. i really want to know how my teacher think of me. luckily, my mum rushed back. and just in time. It was a rainy day, my dad staying in the car and my mum came to my class and wait for her turn. Is kinda suffering when the loves one sick and staying alone but you couldnt leave another loves one to stay alone and be helpless. I really understand how my mum feel that time. She's kinda nervous cause the teacher took a long time to talk about the student's performance to their parents. And my mum was like 'ant in the hot pot' cause she left my dad in the car moreover he is in a terrible condition. Yet she have to queue up and wait for more or less 45 minutes. Yay! everything is done. i gave a good impression to the teachers. but actually im not. i know it. i sleep in class. i dont do homework and i dont pass up them. We rushed back to home, and fetched my dad to bahau for dialysis. he had an operation earlier on that day on his neck. Is kinda suffering cause u have to go through dialysis at the tube that inserted in ur neck than the metal plate in ur hand. lucky my mum said we did an appointment on the last friday for another operation for implementation of metal plates on his hand again. Thats why i went home earlier on Friday so that we would not be late for the operation. The doctor informed that the operation will start at 2pm, the surgeon is a professor from KL and major in doing all these operation. But my dad is having fever that time. he said it subside but came back later on. And the doctor only gave my dad antibiotic and some other medicine on that afternoon. alright then, my dad have to get going to the ward. but at that moment, the nurse inform that the surgeon will be here around 5. OK! fine too！ the doctor told us the surgeon will never punctual. But we wait until 6.30pm and finally the surgeon came. He has to do all the operation on that day, 13 patients altogether. just imagine how long time would he spend on doing the operation. then, he came to my dad. he wants my dad to do a bloodtest. and of course, the result was not-so-good that he wouldnt take risk to do the operation for my dad. it cause us to wait for another fortnight for the operation. OMG! i hate it! anyway, get well soon, dad. i love u.

Self discipline VS motivation

i went to counselling room today and talked about my study in school. Don't get me wrong. I'm not talking about FURTHER study, but study for my SPM. eg. my mid year exam. My overall result drop eventually but is not so obvious since i maintain the placing in class. Seriously, i don't mind about the placing but i'm more into the grades'. Well, for your information, i cant achieved the target for every subject. so is kinda upset? dissapointed? or fed up? compare to the others, i dont work hard as they do. i dont spend much time as they do. but still i manage to get a.. consider average result. i always thought that im so lucky and thats why i dont need to work so hard. but today ms. lee told me that i might have that luck for once or twice. but not everytime. right i got it. i tried to create a timetable, but i dont follow. i tried to plan my daily schedule, but i failed to work it out. i tried to set a daily basis or weekly basis target, but i never archieved it. for some of you, im sure u know my study pattern. i only study when my mood comes, and i dont bother to study or fail my exam if my mood is gone. oh yea, she countdown the SPM date for me. 140 days to go. seems to be a lot. but i'll have to covered 2 years syllabus within 140 days.it dont seems to be that easy now. i'm the one who lack of self discipline. i always knew it. and now she told me i have no motivation. maybe i have to find something to keep motivates me day by day. maybe i'll work hard. we made our promise. she asked me to study every day and report to her the next morning about my revision last night. sounds like. exxagerating? or childish? i dont know. i dont agree at first. or to say that im not dare to put this game on. because i know i cant do it. im sure im going to dissapoint her. and i really dont want to do this to a teacher who always care about us. and erm. she actually know this. and thats why she made this promise to keep me study so that i would not failed her. thanks. i appreciate what you do for me. yet, i havent study anything today. i tidy up my bedroom. i finished The Pearl. I finished the additional mathematics project ( is all done now). all these should have done earlier. but i procrastinate. Gosh. i really need some one to motivate me. A message a day. maybe a quote? i guess that is more than enough. i can really tell that i am nothing if i am all alone. i really need companion or friends doing all these for me. i bet im going to do the same thing to you if you manage to do so.Ew. anyway, i remember i received an email from a friend. giving me some moral support and advice on study. imma going to post it here. because is more easy to read here compare to keep it in the inbox. who is going to check the inbox and read the same email everyday, agree?
________________________________________________________________
Well Stalie, this is what you must have in mind :-
1. You must love your studies like you love your mum and dad and your brother.
2. You must have fun studies. Just like you want to have fun with your friends.
3. Have group study.
4. Important to concentrate during classes and tuition.
5. Plan your study.
6. Everybody have a dream and you must chase your dream.
7. Learn every time you fail or done something wrong.
8. At your age pls don't get attach with boys. Treat them as friend and don't get into relationship. Well Stalin, you have long way to go and GOD will give you your soul mate once he thinks it's a right time. This is very important.
9. Keep yourself fit and stress out by doing exercise.
10. Get enough sleep and always be happy and always smile.
11. Last but not least. Don't forget GOD. Pray and talk to GOD everyday.

Well, you read and just think about it. The future is in your hand. You have to help yourself first then GOD will help and support you. GOD is always there for you.
Take good care of yourself and always be happy.
______________________________________________________________
I'm not going to mention who wrote all these for me. but thanks for being supportive. and i wish someone around me would be how the friend above like. well. i know is not so realistic or possible to make someone to be like how i wanted. is not fair. i know i know. hehe. stalie, try not to be mean and sarcastic to ur friends.
And i would like to share this small 'notes' with my readers. thank you.

i need you now

It's a quarter after one.
I'm all alone and i need you now.
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now.
And I dont know how I can do without.
I just need you now.

This is part of the chorus from Lady Antebellum - Need you now.
This is not a new song either. but i just heard from the radio few days ago.
They got nice rhythm and eye-catching lyrics. ( just for me )
Well. This is so true for me.
I always get so down and is usually around 1am
I dont know any of u know that i like to call people and talking on phone rather than sms them.
because there is always something i cant write or i cant describe in text.
and i hate sms when im down. cuz the mood is totally gone.
crying alone in the bed is nt something so bad.
but finding no one through ur phonebook is the worst thing ever.
you know the feeling?
u have bunches of number and u couldnt even get to talk to any of them.
mayb some have sleep. mayb some are not so close til i can disclose every little secrets of mine to them. and some of them are not a good audience. last but not least, some of them. is more EMO than i am. i need someone to talk to which can shines my day. It doesn't matter who they are or what they were to me. It is a matter of if u r always there when i need you. It is a sad thing being the smallest child in the house. my brother is 10 years older than me. and u know. sometimes boys and girls barely share secret. moreover we have a much gap on age. thats why i dont tell him my problem. not even once. and sometimes when it is get to so personal maybe something about relationship or what. i cant even tell my mum. all i can tell her is that. IM OK! guys. do u know why i like to search new frens from internet? because they are strangers. who dont know me in real life. and we get close to each other. i can talk more to them about my personal life. and they wouldnt know who am i exactly. they couldnt find me. but things different when u get to talk to a real life fren. im not mean to say they are bad. but they usually are not secret keepers. i mean me too. is a girl nature to gossip. so is hardly to keep a secret among 2 or 3 people. all i wish that i have an audience. who can console me and be my doraemon, help me whenever im in trouble.
frankly.
i am the type. who prefer people to tell me
what is the solution for my problem than trying to stop me from crying.
i know problem would not have dissapear if i cry.
but sometimes i couldnt stop tears rolling down. and i really need someone to remind me everything like this.
people usually know something. they understand. but they dont practice. they dont do or behave like the way they suppose. and im one of them.

Almost got back all the papers, only left out physics, ict and bc. I really did study for this exam. well. harder than the previous one. but i dont see any improve but regress. When i enter Chemistry Lab and teacher asked that did i go for any tuition class and to do more exercise. my heart SINK!my paper one is ok. but paper 3 is terrible. it pulls down my total score. and my essay too. i think i have to work harder on that part. my physics too. im too careless. i darken the wrong objective answer but i got it correct on my question paper. and tats 2 marks. ew. it seems to be very small but is a key that affect my result. my language subject is weak too. gosh. i really have to say. i hate her. the f4 english. im not going to tell who is it. but i'm sure u guys know who is that. i know my english is poor, but i thought that i manage to score A in SPM. but in fact, I'm NOT! the 'truth' float when it gets to this new teacher who marks SPM paper. i never thought that there is so much thing to be improved. and that 'hatred' teacher wasted my time. she should nt be a teacher. u never know how fast my score gone down, is like a elevator fall! i always hope that i can score well in the exam, but ended up.. NO! yet, i accept it. i'm not those who begging for marks. i dont mean to be sarcastic here. i know i've been acting strange lately. slightly different than who i used to be last time. i asked for marks this time and i can tell u why. I JUST WANT TO PROVE THAT I AM RIGHT. if u can give me a strong reason why you deduct my marks. i'll accept. as long as i know where did i got wrong. maybe for certain subject like add maths and sejarah, i'm quite satisfy with the score. but that doesn't mean that i have to stop adding marks even though i deserve for it. sometimes i hate exam. when it comes to result and marks. everyone behave like not anymore of them. and thats how prejudice and disputation starts. i saw a quote just now.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst, and expect what is most likely to happen

this quote illustrate me myself for so real. i might get down with the low score. but im fine in a second. thats why i classify myself as the happy go lucky type. - been looking for the past year question. trials from a few states. ask the question from me if u want it. but not everyone deserve this 'privillege'. hahas -

Da Vinci Code

man.
im going to mad very soon.
i finished reading the Da Vinci Code months ago.
but im still curious about the thing.

i cant tell why i prefer Christian than Buddha.
after all, i dont know anything about Christianity.
and i read the Da Vinci Code.

i know is a fiction novel.
but this novel is plotted so well.
for everything, every incidence, every detail.
It is not like a harry potter series.
which the magic or broomstick we know is just an illusion.
but this book.
it involved Leornado Da Vinci, Isaac Newton and others which i dont know about them.
Leornado's drawing - Mona Lisa's, The Last Supper.
and all these things do EXIST in the world!
especially The Last Supper.
it says that Mary Magdelene is wife to Jesus.
but some say she is a **********
and the Lourve of Paris.
that is a well known building.
for all the symbols and everything.

Dan Brown declare that all the facts are true. they are evidence.
and some people obviously against Dan Brown.
i'm not sure Dan Brown is a writer or a historian at this moment.
i can see how much he had to work hard to finish this book.
everyone say the Da Vinci Code is something you must have read.
oh yeah!
i did read!
and i never thought that it can influence one so much.

not only for this book.
National Treasure 2.
i've been wondering is there a secret book which inherit from the previous US president to another.
and thats much more to talk on.
im quite lazy to type it all out.

sometimes i keep telling myself not to watch too much movies
since i'm quite easily got influenced by others.
but i couldnt stop it.
u know.
they are amazing!
they amaze me all the time!
they are thrilling! brain-storming!
and they are the drugs to me too!